Letters to the Editor
Anonymust
Published Letters: 2031 Editor's Choice: 74
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Okay, do the poll, but then... no more comments from non-readers
[Read the article: Dividing the man from his mother]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have no objection to a poll, whether of Salon's premium members or readers at large, about whether Salon should continue to publish Ayelet Waldman. Let the market forces reign, since apparently that's what everything else (even Salon?) boils down to.
However, if writers are to be held accountable, then readers should be, too, and they should not be permitted to comment on a piece of writing that they have not actually read. (Sort of like journalists making things up, isn't it?) If I wanted the benefit of someone else's projections, I could just join a dysfunctional self-help group.
Apparently, I was naive in thinking that the so-called readers had actually read what Ayelet wrote before jumping to the letters, but a few have let it slip that they read only a paragraph or two and then moved on to the comments. That might work for newspaper stories, with their inverted pyramids, but not for personal essays...
Another writer even threatened to leave Salon because of the writers, presumably Waldman's piece being the last straw.
If I were to leave, it would be because I had finally read one too many letters from readers who don't even read.
And people wonder why our government is in the shape it is in. Of course, just like in public life, there is no way for Salon to implement my suggestion that people try to be informed before expressing an opinion.
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A Question of Shared Sacrifices...
[Read the article: My husband shuts me down when I mention fine arts grad school]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why is that family members, including children, are so often expected to make sacrifices for a man's education (brother, son, father)? Even though some family members might occasionally complain, in general, everyone is expected to suck it up. And why, when a woman wants more (or any) education, is she usually expected to fit it in around her current responsibilities without inconveniencing anyone?
Why don't more people question these cultural assumptions? [Because men and children often want more access to the woman in their lives than is perhaps in the best interests of the woman. Round-about answer to Freud: some time of their own.] Yet, we have no problem judging other cultures for not appreciating the value of educating women.
I didn't get the idea that the LW's husband had been "supporting her artistic pursuits" to-date. Rather, they had started, jointly, both a business and a family, and somehow, she found bits of time to make some art. It seemed the business was his idea... his bliss? Perhaps, but we don't know. And we don't know because he wasn't the one writing the letter to Cary. What and how much was involved in her decision to write to Cary? I haven't seen any letters to him that seemed either whimsical or frivolous. His LWs write to him because they want a real answer from someone they can count on to hear their question.
This LW is not asking for multiple advanced degrees like the letter writer whose wife put her foot down at another PhD. Nor is she asking her husband to shoulder the burdens of their business and child care alone. She IS asking for her dream to be taken seriously. Finally. After putting it on hold for so long.
Waiting until the children are older would not make it any easier. Children's needs may be fewer as they grow, but they become more complicated. And grad schools, professors, classmates, etc., are not as accepting of "older students" as some would have you believe.
And those readers who have suggested divorce as the solution have probably never been single parents themselves. Besides, the LW wasn't asking Cary whether or not to stay with her husband, but how to negotiate with him about something important to her, i.e, how to communicate in a way that he would "get" it.
But-- for those who insist on some idea of the "payback," there are studies showing that a family's income and SES rise with a woman's education. Not just with a man's, but with a woman's. Granted, those studies may not show the specific benefit of an MFA, but most likely they did not ask that question. Still, I would hazard a guess that a family's quality of life might rise in some intangible areas when a woman earns an MFA.