Letters to the Editor
Anonymust
Published Letters: 2118 Editor's Choice: 74
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I must agree with Chris...
[Read the article: Can I finally reconcile with my dying brother?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...that Cary's advice is right on.
And I, too "find it hard to believe that most of the people responding have suffered this sort of loss and, tellingly, the one person who has mentioned doing so was in the fortunate position of having the most time with the dying person." Or, perhaps they have, but were not open to the grieving process. That would be understandable, since our culture is all about just getting over it and moving on with your life. So, those people who need more time and space to grieve than is considered "seemly," must learn who among their friends/family/coworkers can understand and hang in there with them, and who cannot. Or else they must just keep it in.
The truth is, no one ever really gets over a significant loss; one just learns to live with it. As "only the sister," the LW is learning first-hand the typical experience of a grieving sibling: that your grief must wait its turn after parents or spouses and children. For some strange reason, surviving siblings are presumed not to care as much, or need as much comfort. Thankfully, the LW is an adult and can seek her own support and solutions, rather than a child who would be dependent upon others to recognize her need for such help.
The only thing I would add to Cary's advice (since the LW already has a therapist-- wise decision!) is that one really good reason to try and accommodate her brother's wishes, is that she may be able to be supportive of his wife and children now, and thus preserve a family connection for both herself and her daughter. In fact, at a more appropriate time, they may even be able to share their grief, especially because they have personal stories from different ends of the brother's life, the kind that make you laugh and cry.
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No element of surprise...
[Read the article: The silence of the Rove]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When the Republicans took over the House in 1994, they were taken by surprise. In fact, Gingrich's Contract on America was not even introduced until after Labor Day.
There is no element of surprise for the Democrats this time. Instead, they've been having their feet held to the fire for more than a year now for not having a similar plan.
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I hadn't had time to read the original story
[Read the article: My family]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]..before I saw Louise Yaskulka's response to the letters. I thought uh-oh... because I try to avoid the swampy wetlands of Salon's letter writers these days. Too much of the compassion has been drained from many of them. But as a suscriber and a member of what's left of Salon's blog community, I confess to feeling something akin to the proprietary feelings a person might have about their hometown (which I don't have-- a hometown, that is).
Everybody grieves in their own way, but I was heartened to read how consciously these parents are trying to make space for their children's grief. My own experience as a grieving (8-yr-old) child was that no one ever noticed that I might need help.
Because of their own childhood losses, the Yaskulkas seem uniquely qualified to help their children thrive in spite of grief. Who could ask more than that? In fact, who could realistically expect more of any parents than to give a little more they got from their own parents? And they are already doing so much more than that.
And Brianna's reactions sound completely normal and understandable to me. Of course, she's angry. I'd be furious, too. In fact, I was furious with George Bush almost immediately, because... but I don't want to go there now... Of course, we hope they can find some kind of effective help for Shannon, but it isn't easy to do therapy about something that happened before you were completely verbal, and a 3-yr-old is still learning to be verbal. The seeds for my own 8-yr-old grief were set before I was 2, and that made a huge difference in being able to access those feelings. Thank god she can draw pictures about them.
One letter writer in the earlier thread mentioned grief envy. I think we all wish when someone we love dies that the world would just stop for a moment... long enough to take notice, but it doesn't. Unless your loved one is famous or dies in a national tragedy. After awhile, though, would we really want the world to continue to stop and take notice year after year for weeks at a time? I think most of us would prefer more privacy at some point. That's what it means when these families are unwillingly defined by 9/11. They're never going to have that privacy unless we can learn to make such days more discreet days of compassion for anyone who might be grieving.
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Hmm.... I like the website!
[Read the article: Another end run on Bolton?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It certainly makes it easier for those of us who might want to call and ask them to vote AGAINST Bolton's nomination.
And, we can still check off our calls, and forward the list to other like-minded folks. Very nice.
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Pretty unlikely that political figures ;~) will speak out
[Read the article: The skinny on anorexia chic]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...when you consider that those public figures who do get involved in the body image debate are mostly at the other end of the continuum, proselytizing against obesity, in order to prevent or at least slow down the increase in diabetes, particularly among children.
Of course, the government seems to want to get involed at that end of the spectrum with its pyramids and admonitions to eat 5-a-day. Fruits & vegetables, that is. But, so far, the government has only caused more confusion, not less.
Any real difference that happens, in this case, will have to come from Hollywood. Already, there are hopeful signs, when you see how curvy some of the most sought-after young stars are.