Letters to the Editor
froggy
Published Letters: 362 Editor's Choice: 136
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I agree!
[Read the article: Once the kids are gone, I don't want them coming back]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When I left college, I didn't have the option of moving home. Sure, my parents would have taken me in if I needed it. I always knew they were there if my life really crashed, if I had a terrible accident or lost my job. But the reality was that my parents lived in a small town with no job prospects for a new graduate, beyond all those I'd already held (waitress, groundskeeper, ice-cream scooper, and so on). If I wanted a real job with a real paycheck, I had to go to the nearest big city, four hours drive away.
Add to that, I had no desire whatsoever to live with Mom and Dad.
Stick to your guns, Dad. I'd think about some ground rules. If your daughter does move home, there are some serious rules. She should pay rent (similar to what she'd pay sharing an apartment with a roommate in your town). She should do housework and follow house rules (phoning when she'll be late, letting you know if she'll be home for dinner, and so on). She should contribute her share of the groceries with her own money. She should contribute to her share of phone and other utility bills. If you share meals, she should do her share of the cooking. If you don't share meals, then she's on her own to cook for herself. She should, in short, be expected to do all the same things she would if she had an apartment and a roommate. If she can't find a job in her field, there's always Starbuck's or McDonald's until she can find a real job. This is not perpetual childhood. This is adulthood. Mom and Dad's house just won't be looking so nice after a while.
Be strong. You won't be doing her any favors to enter a prolonged teenagerhood after college.
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I make my living from copyright law
[Read the article: Throwing Google at the book]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I work in the software industry. For my entire career, my paycheck has come from the strength of American copyright laws. I've worked for large and small companies, all depending on the knowledge that their creations are for sale and are not to be copied without permission. Those software purchase prices have paid my salary for close to 20 years. Google, which is chock full of people who likely earned their livings from software before they went to Google, ought to know this.
I don't copy CDs. I don't copy movies. I don't download e-Books without paying. What goes around comes around. I like my paycheck and the laws that protect it. And other than the rare Stephen King or JK Rowling, most writers aren't making enough money to buy cat food. Google can go find something else to do.
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Why is paid work the holiest of holies?
[Read the article: The glass ceiling at home]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In my house, we have it both ways.
When the kids were small, my husband stayed home for 5 years. I out-earned him 2 to 1, and we wanted to avoid day care. So he stayed home. Let me tell you that reverse discrimination is alive and well in the world. Just ask any stay-at-home dad who can't find community in the neighborhood for love nor money. Just ask my husband all the times he got the evil eye from all the other moms for taking our kids to the playground in the middle of the day. I mean really, what kind of self-respecting man is at the park at 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday? He must be a child molestor.
Fast forward to now, when my husband is back at work. We both work part time, and he's lucky enough to be in a field where he can get benefits for part time work. I work just over half time as an independent contractor. We like our arrangement--we share the house, the kids, the parenting, the volunteering at school, and the paid employment. Yet when I tell people I don't know well that my husband works part time, I get "the look". I've had people ask if he's disabled. I know they think he's lazy. Why can't a man be entitled to free time with the family, house, and hobbies just like a woman?
We both have lives and interests... with our family and separately. Work pays the bills, and I'd be willing to guess that for 95% of Americans it's the same. I gave up getting my fulfillment as a person from my career long, long ago... after the layoffs, the cutbacks, the salary cuts, watching my friends get laid off... it's a job. I do it well. But I refuse to have my worth and value as a human being defined by how I earn the roof over my family's heads. If the only way to define someone as a feminist or not is by how they earn a living, that's a very narrow definition.
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I worked for a wonderful company too...
[Read the article: Giving nursing moms a break at work]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...when my kids were babies, and I was pumping. Private room, locked door, no bathroom stall, even a net connection and a phone so I could bring my laptop and work while I pumped (OK, I learned to type while pumping, just don't ask me to demonstrate). I pumped for a full year for both kids. I'm not saying that to boost myself as supermom, it was a huge pain in the behind. I did it because it helped me deal with the mommy-guilt for working.
My funniest experience was when I was on the phone with a client while pumping. The client said "Wow! You have a really loud printer." I said "Yes, I do," and carried on. And didn't bust up laughing.
I still feel lucky and blessed to have had such an understanding employer. I'm in Oregon, by the way. It's not law here, but I mean really, this is the state where Gardenburgers were invented, and dressing up means new Gore-Tex. It's not a big deal for a lot of employers here.