Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 215 Editor's Choice: 15
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Sparks Aren't ALL They're Cracked Up to Be
[Read the article: If the first date isn't great, why go out with him again? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I met my husband at a bar, danced with him a few times, wasn't HUGELY impressed, but hey, I'd been divorced for nearly a year and had finally gotten past the THANK GOD HE'S GONE! to the "Hmmmm, I'm a little lonely," stage.
But we had to postpone our first date d/t a snowstorm, and he called to reschedule, and we talked for about 1/2 hour. Nice guy. Family ties. Hmmmmmm.
So we went out, it was fun, he got a little freaked by my four FOUR!!! kids, but called me again, anyway, and we kept going out. Because he was fun. And I had DONE the dip in the tummy thing, and it had ended up with me being a single mom to four kids.
And then, one day, kids at their dad's house, I found myself dancing in my livingroom with him to Bing Crosby's Christmas album. On Holy Saturday afternoon. And I knew this guy was more than just a good guy. He was a great guy.
And he not only causes, still, 18 years later, my tummy to dip, he has helped me raise those four kids to strong, healthy young adulthood, worked through the inevitable issues that arise from stepparenting the children of a hostile alcoholic (and loving the ex-wife of one) and I know that he'll be patiently dealing with the chaos when we are three generation, even a four generation family.
So, if you REALLY REALLY know that Mr. First Date Dude is a Dud, then don't fake it. Because it's ultimately cruel. But accept that rarely does anybody shine on a first date, and see what happens in three, OK?
If nothing else, you'll save time in your busy single working mom life from having to scan the online personals so frequently.
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Radiohead? RADIOHEAD?
[Read the article: I'm an existential artist. People just don't get me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]And you call yourself original?
Radiohead rips off Low. Not sure who Low rips off. But whoever it is, THEY rip off someone, too.
There IS no originality, deal with it. There is being true to oneself and not to an image of who one ought to be. It's called growing up. A sure sign of immaturity is a feeling of disdain for others, and I don't care if you are 14, 26 or 72--if you are looking down your nose at other people, you have failed the most important step in becoming an adult. You have failed to develop compassion and the ability to accept others for who they are. You have failed in the development of compassion.
Here is a three step process to developing it.
1) Go work, three days a week, at a homeless shelter. Note the large number of folks there with uncombed hair, white socks with dress pants, and an unswerving belief in their own superiority. That is called "mental illness."
2) Having worked with them for a minimum of a month, start to write down what you have noted about them, and the similarities/differences between their world views and yours.
3) Start to take that same anthropologist's POV into your dealings with the people that you so dismissively call "normals". Note where you have similar and dissimilar POVs. Note the shared humanity, whether or not you agree with their life choices, whether or not you agree with their clothing choices, whether or not you agree with their music choices.
I mean, come on, I'm taking you at your word that you are both 26 and a hip, original person. Despite your 13 year old's shout out for Radiohead.
Sheesh.
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Junior Wells, You are CRUEL
[Read the article: I'm an existential artist. People just don't get me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why would anyone want to condemn a person to this?
"I hope this young woman writes in at the age of fifty-six, the voice of freedom, honest in despair, the herald of solidarity--to give a young person the courage to struggle when her struggle is derided and insulted."
Honest in despair?
She is not writing of a struggle, she is writing of an inability to empathize with the rest of the human race--of her feelings of superiority that may or may not be justified. Personally, I have a 147 IQ, have four children who all have tested at or above 130 in IQ--one son's is 156--and NONE of us feel superior to the rest of the world. I daresay that none of us puts quotes around "normals", either.
I AM 56, and far from despairing my life or the struggle--and yes, of course, ALL of us have struggled in some fashion--I rejoice in the many moments of pure unalloyed joy that I have had the good fortune to share with other, equally imperfect, human beings. What I hope for the LW is the growing realization that who we are inside is rarely, if ever, evident from the outside, and that one of the greatest gifts to give oneself is the will to get past others' outsides to find who they really are.
Clothing is costume, for most people, employment is a way to keep body and soul together, and musical tastes are fluid. But the magic and the mystery of life is how we all get through it, the good times, the bad ones and the mediocre ones, and can keep laughing, at life and at ourselves.