Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 236 Editor's Choice: 17
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Wow. Where Does All the Money Come From For All These Gifts?
[Read the article: It's gift-giving time, and I'm cranky about gift cards and pushy kids]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Having spent most of my children's growing up years a single mom on an impossibly tight budget, I simply CANNOT imagine spending $75 on a sibling, nor $30, $40, $50 on every niece and nephew.
Here's how we did it in my family. As the cousins reached 18, they became part of the adult gift exchange--one extended family member to buy for per person, $50 limit.
For the cousins under 18, each cousin drew the name of one other cousin, and the price limit was $25.
When the only cousins left under 18 were two of my boys and one niece, we switched entirely.
Now, we have a $5 limit, but each person can either spend the $5 or regift whatever--we elaborately wrap things for the Dice Game, and sit in a room after the family dinner and play for the packages.
Someone inevitably ends up with nothing, so gets to "steal" one from someone with more that one.
What I LOVE LOVE LOVE about this is that it saves money for giving things that really matter--for us, it's buying plane tickets home for our own, scattered, 20-something offspring, and things like the Sierra Club and public radio.
Plus, it is just plain fun.
I Do. NOT love the idea of spending my December buying gifts for people I only see once or twice a year, who have more than they possibly need and everything that they want. What I DO love is catching up with them at the holidays, finding out what's new and exciting in their lives, seeing how the cousins' babies are growing, and feeling the extended family love at the yearly BIG bash at my cousin's house.
For me, the holidays are about celebration, and celebration does NOT require the giving of elaborate/expensive gifts. One son still thinks that the gift certificate to the grocery store that we gave him one year was one of the finest gifts he ever got.
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Amazing How Many of Us Have A CPS Story, Isn't It?
[Read the article: Somebody sent child protective services to my house!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Mine involves my son--the one who is graduating one week from tomorrow, Magna Cum Laude from college.
He was a handful and a half when he hit the age of 13, and his father, still resentful, 5 years after our divorce, played him like a violin. At one point, I was at a soccer game with my then 8 year old, my boyfriend (now husband) was at my house, partly to make sure than little Mr. Temper didn't hurt his siblings, and my son tried to create an incident. His father had told him to call the police if anyone "did" anything to him, and he was drunk, as only a 13 year old boy can be drunk, with the thought of having power over adults.
So, he lay down on the couch, and started to stick his feet in BF's face, and when he calmly removed them, progressed to spitting on him. At that point, BF picked him up (he was barely 5'2" at the time), carried him outside and set him on the lawn.
In the process of being carried, he kicked the wall of the house, and bruised the side of his foot.
Not sure of how the police got there, but when I got home with my youngest, his father was there, a police car was there, and the police officer was telling my ex to shut up, he wasn't a witness, and was questioning BF.
That would have been the end of it--the police officer was satisfied with the answers he'd gotten, but Son decided, the following Monday, to tell a teacher that the police had been to his house that w/e because "Mom's BF had assaulted him."
Long story short: I got a call from a caseworker, explained the issues, told her that the police had been there and suggested that she read the report. SHE suggested that I get together with my children's dad and explain that all the involvement of third parties was harmful to the kids, that they NEEDED to be able to see their parents as powerful AND intelligent AND with their best interests in mind.
I met him at a local family restaurant. He smirked the entire time, and continued his campaign to convince Son Number One that I was Evil, eventually having him come to live with him.
But within three years, that son was apologizing to me for his behavior as a thirteen year old, and telling me WHAT had been said by his dad and his dad's brother about me. Bottom line for me, I guess, is that I would prefer to have gone through that investigation all over again, knowing that when I needed to protect my younger boys by forbidding them to ride in a car with their dad, who saw no problem with drinking and driving, I was backed up by the same CPS department that had investigated me.
I find it odd that LW wants to know the "profile" of someone who would call CPS on an innocent party. She doesn't need to know that. What she DOES need is to get over her anger, her paranoia, and to calmly contact CPS. She SHOULD have asked what the outcome of the case would be when she talked with the case worker the first time. But barring that, she absolutely is within her rights to ask now.
Many writers today have railed against the intrusiveness of CPS. I say, don't let the perfect get in the way of the good. We cannot know whether a child is being abused or not without investigating. And better to investigate 25 innocent people for every one who is guilty, in order to find that one, and get him/her away from children.