Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 215 Editor's Choice: 15
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Taking Her to Church is NOT Believing in What She Believes
[Read the article: My Christian daughter says I'm going to hell]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Will you not proudly walk down the aisle with her on her wedding day, even if it's at the most ridiculous, hellfire and brimstone church on the face of the earth? Of course you will--she's your daughter and you love her like life itself.
So take her to church, if that's what she wants. But you do not have to take her to the right wing church. Find a Unitarian Universalist church near you, and introduce her to the pastor (that's what they call them--right?) Let someone in a position of spiritual authority as she understands it lead her to a gentler belief system.
Look. My kids are adults, and while none of them has become a conservative Christian, neither do they all believe what I believe. But I respect their beliefs, and they respect mine.
Was this the case when they were 13? Of course it wasn't. Thirteen year olds are, if they are meeting emotional and intellectual milestones, beginning their long climb into developing their adult set of beliefs, and are passionate about what they believe today--which could be the polar opposite of what they'll believe next week.
A thirteen year old who is crying because she fears that her dad is going to hell is one who is desperate to reconcile what she knows--her dad is good and loving--with what she's been taught--unbelievers go to hell.
YOU can't help her with that reconciliation. So find someone who can.
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This is Illness
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Sane people do not cheat on people they love--sexually, financially, whatever. They understand that trust is an integral part of a healthy relationship and must be nourished.
Get some help, LW, before you destroy every relationship that is meaningful to you, before you catch some incurable disease and give it to your husband, before the rest of what should be your inner sense of right and wrong withers up and dies from neglect.
I am not a mental health professional, but your blithe and breezy style of writing, even as you are writing to an advice columnist, indicates that you do understand that what you are doing is abhorrent. But you are so caught in the downward spiral of this dangerous addiction that you can't free yourself alone.
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First Things First
[Read the article: Lonely single guy tired of being lonely and single seeks person ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Never, ever follow "advice" from brightstar65 who is one of the most bitter people I have ever read online.
Remember that places where "most" of the cohort are married and have children in their late 20's are becoming an exception, not the rule, so that YOU are a 21st century dude, and your friends and acquaintances are following older behavior patterns--I would guess that you live in a small southern city.
Remember that self-absorbtion, whether in an average looking or a stunning individual, is unattractive, and ultimately repelling. That mountain thing was a little New Age for me, but he has a point--start looking outward, and make your goal to help other people have a better day, and you will find yourself having better days yourself. Do that with the women that you date--be honestly interested in them and who they are, and you will have more fun, because they will laugh more and smile more, and so will you.
Keep in mind the vast array of potential friends and partners, and don't write any of them off because of pre-conceived notions of who they may be. If my husband had not been willing to become the friend of a woman who was 9 years older than he, who was divorced with four kids after 14 years of marriage, then we would not have been together for the last 18 years. Did he have qualms about it? Of course he did, as would any sane person. But he LIKED me, so he took the chance.
But you have to be willing to find out who a person is to like them, and that means both sharing who YOU are, and asking who THEY are.
Don't let yourself become bitter--social awkwardness is a learned behavior, but it's not your destiny. Figure out ONE thing that you can do to help someone else have a better day today, and do it. Then do it tomorrow and the next and the next. Even something as simple as opening doors for old ladies is a kindness that will reward you with their gratitude and your own sense of contributing to the overall wellbeing of the human race.
Bottom line is to become someone who YOU really like. Who you think of as a happy person, an attractive person, and that's who you will be.
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It's So Easy
[Read the article: Our office manager is a dental despot!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Don't pay. Tell YOUR boss, Dentist A, that you have been "requested" to help pay for an upgrade to the ad for Dentist B. Tell her that you are not going to pay, because you can't afford it and because you feel that it's wrong. Let her know that you believe (not being an attorney) that this sort of thing is illegal, and you really would appreciate her support in this issue.
As for Cary Tennis, I personally find him verbose and opaque, but I don't read him--I read the letters and the responses, and skim HIS response to see if he has anything sensible to say. Once in a great while, yes.
One thing that I've learned over the years is that the longer response is rarely the better. It's just longer.