Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 209 Editor's Choice: 15
-
You Know, I Have a Cat That Goes to Sleep Being Held Like a Baby
[Read the article: My roommate bounces my cats the wrong way]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]She's used to it. When she WAS a baby, I needed to hold her like that to get rid of the dead bugs in her ears--she, and the rest of her litter, had been infected when they were rescued.
So for the first two weeks we had her, I got the lovely job of cleaning out her little kitten ears with Q-tips dipped in oil. And the easiest way to do it and not hurt her was to hold her on her back with her bottom tucked under my arm.
This cat will sleep on the floor on her back, rear legs flopped to either side, and her front paws crossed over her chest. But try to stroke her tummy, and your hand will become prey. Cats are like that--they have limits, and they will communicate them. Even if, when elderly like Matty Q's cat, they do it less successfully.
The LW does have the right to ask her roommate not to cuddle her cats, bounce them on her knee and play patty cat with them. However, all these behaviors, while silly, can actually be fun if the cat allows it, and are certainly not harmful in any way to the cat. As others have commented, gentle bouncing is vastly different from bouncing soccer balls with one's head, or shaking babies or, even, a cat jumping from the couch to the floor.
Rather than try to justify her own desire to make her roommate stop perfectly harmless behaviors, just because they are annoying to her, she might be better served at opening a dialog with the roommate about it. Ask her if she misses the babies she used to care for. Laugh at the craziness of humans, that we are capable of fooling ourselves into thinking that animals are substitutes for children. Even let her know that LW finds the pattycaking a little excessive, and ask if there are any things that LW does that annoy roommate.
Make the situation into a learning opportunity for both of you, and a chance for you to really examine some of the erroneous beliefs behind your OCD. I hear a lot of that "this should/should not be happening, and here are all the reasons why" in your need to justify the roommate NOT doing what you find annoying. Annoying is one thing, dangerous is another entirely, and NOTHING that you have written indicates that your roommate is endangering your cats.
-
Another of These? Slim Pickin's in the Letters, Huh?
[Read the article: Are men spoiled rotten?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]So.
Being 47 and wanting kids isn't selfish, it's human. If you DON'T want kids, good for you, but don't label people (and--earth to LW--men are people) who do "selfish".
In point of fact, I am married to a 47 year old man. And one of the things that he will always, in some fashion, regret, is that he never had children of his own. Genetics is a BIG determiner of the way we think and feel about things, and we are genetically wired to want to have children. Even some of those who have determined at a previous point that they don't want them, find themselves, just before it feels like it's too late, wanting children.
With women, it's earlier--we, after all, have that whole thing with stopping producing eggs. Men have the luxury of having baby lust later.
But, come on. A 47 year old man can have kids with a 40 year old woman, or a 45 year old--it will, doubtless, take longer to conceive and may be costly and involve reproductive technology--but no cradle robbing need occur.
I could wish that people would stop blaming others for their own problems. But then where would all the substance abuse counselors find work? Or Cary Tennis, huh? Who would write to him if everyone was willing to look at and change their OWN behavior that has led to dissatisfaction?
-
So: LW, Do You Have the Plan?
[Read the article: My wife is terrible on the cellphone!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's nonsense won't help. Wow. That's a new development.
But the suggestions here, will.
a) Lay off.
b) Exercise patience.
c) Fnd out if she's holding the phone properly. With my phone, I have to move it around on my ear to find the sweet spot. And I definitely have to make sure there's not a strand of hair between phone and ear.
d) Ask her to try a Bluetooth or an earbud--they improve sound quality dramatically, while freeing one's hands for little unimportant tasks like driving a car or a grocery cart.
e) Thank your lucky stars that you have a wife who loves you, who's willing to put up with your annoyance at HER, when neither of you knows squat about the proper use of a cell phone.