Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 215 Editor's Choice: 15
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Doesn't Matter
[Read the article: Do you have to be gay to tell another guy his eyes are pretty?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]His comment, taken alone, could mean nothing whatsoever. If it is followed up by further references to your physical attributes, constitutes sexual harrassment, and is, of course, illegal in the workplace. The fact that your workplace focuses on issues of critical importance to gay people notwithstanding, references to physical attributes in the workplaceis not acceptable.
If he's interested in you as a possible friend and/or lover, he can ask you out for coffee or drinks after work, and, should you accept, THERE it's perfectly fine to comment on your lovely eyes. Me, I'd not be concerned about whether or not he shares my sexual orientation (I happen to be a straight woman), but who the hell he thinks he is, making such comments in the office.
You sound like a nice guy, but the gay equivalent of the man who claims that pretty women won't even look at him. Maybe you are hanging out with the wrong guys, but I know that I've seen gay couples where the attractiveness level of the two is (IMO) significantly mismatched.
My advice would be to a)ignore Mr. Pretty and b)develop more confidence about yourself as a person. Sophia Loren didn't marry Carlo Ponti for his looks, or even for his power and money--she had plenty of both, of her own, when they were married. She married him for the person that he was, and you can find men who will want you for who you are, as well, if you know that you are a person who is kind, intelligent AND desirable.
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Aspergers? ADHD?
[Read the article: I work with the most annoying man alive]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Whatever, he is unaware of social cues, and the kindest thing that you can do for him is tell him, plainly but without anger, "You know Fred, I really don't find that accent funny."
When he tries to high five you, don't raise your hand, and if he follows you around to tell you that he just bought a new stapler, just say, "Fred, sorry, I'm in a hurry right now," and walk away.
Having ADHD myself, I know that it took me till I was in my 30's to realize that I could be exceptionally annoying without even trying, and till my 40's to learn to do something about it.
But some of the people that I appreciate the best, in retrospect, are those who didn't scorn me, just let me know that they were NOT interested in the minutiae of my daily life, and that I didn't need to know the minutiae of theirs.
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DIagnosis: You are Human
[Read the article: In the midst of joy, I have dark thoughts]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have four children. We, the five of us, have been through a lot together: divorce, their pain at dealing with an alcoholic father, the deaths of a cousin, an aunt, both of their grandparents (who were, also, both my parents, at both of whose funerals I spoke.)
Human life is never 100% under our own control, because in many situations we ARE dependent on the actions of others, individually or in a group, because nature's actions can destroy our plans, our homes and even our lives.
So here's what I do. I don't know if it will work for you, but it works better than anything else I've tried. I believe in the best. I believe that my children, who are now all adults, will find (or keep) loving partners, rewarding work that benefits them and others, happy homes and, if it is something that they want, amazingly beautiful and intelligent children for me and their stepdad to hopelessly spoil.
I believe that my own efforts to build a strong business will be successful in bringing me the things that I need, the things that I want and security for our future.
I believe in the ultimate goodness of humanity, and know, deep down, that, despite the behavior of many, that so many many more of my fellow human beings are amazingly compassionate beings.
I believe that, whether I understand it fully or not, that if I continue to believe, if I continue to support my loved ones in their efforts, if I continue to make my own great efforts, and if I continue to treat others with the respect that they deserve, that the world around me can begin to move, even if it's imperceptible at first, towards something better.
Being pierced with sudden pain at imagined sorrow does not make the joy less. It makes it more, in contrast to that pain. I sometimes, still, fear that SOMETHING will happen. I know that it can, that it HAS, in my own life. A sister can park her car in a garage, close the door, climb in the car, turn on the engine and close her eyes, even as I, a mere 30 miles away, am nursing my amazingly beautiful 10 day old firstborn. As I fall asleep after a Mother's Day where I'd been treated like a queen and surrounded by all my children and my husband, a nephew, in love with a loving girlfriend for the first time in his life, can fall, suddenly, brought down by the sudden rush of blood from a ruptured artery in his brain.
These things do happen. And they do devastate us. And they blindside us with sorrow, not constantly, not even, after a while, frequently, but for the rest of our lives. So we go on, and we love our lovers and our children and our parents and every other person in the world who we have come to love, knowing that they will, someday, be gone, that they will, inevitably, have to suffer even as we, inevitably, have to suffer, but it's OK. Because the loving and the belief that the amazingly wonderful WILL far outweigh the suffering will make it all OK.
Really, LW, it will make it all OK.