most of the letters here are correct. Usually, there are a bunch of people who blame the victim and write in to dump on the poor LW, who has already experienced enough crap; otherwise the person would not have written to Cary in the first place.

The situation in this letter hits very close to home. My mother suffers from depression and alcoholism. I do not wish to go into a lot of detail about Mom's situation here, as I'm at work and don't want to start crying. But I will say that it has created problems with my family. My husband is like the LW's sister. I was fine with not speaking to Mom for seven years. During that time, I went to school and earned a degree, worked when my school schedule permitted and raising our daughter (who was 2 when I quit speaking to Grandma and 9 when the relationship resumed). My husband, however, was disturbed. You'd think he would have been grateful not to have to deal with his mother-in-law, but he was not. Now when I think of telling my mother or father to go to hell, my husband gives me the same line, namely "You're going to regret that after your parents are gone." Frankly, I don't think that will happen, and even if it did, so what? Everyone has to deal with regret at sometime in life. I think that old line is something old people use to manipulate younger ones. Oldsters can't exactly challenge us to a duel or a wrestling match and expect to win. But they play the guilt card, and it works in their favor every time.

On the one hand, it does much the same damage to self-esteem that nearly every other women's magazine does. On the other hand, I love the idea that it exists, along with Oprah's fabulous magazine. I was also born in '59, and I HATE it that my demographic is so under-represented in so many areas (TV, music, movies, the list goes on and on...). Thank God that advertisers are finally waking up (though not near as fast as I like) to the fact that those of us over 40 do like to spend money, just as young people have always done.

At age 47 with two young children under 5, it's no wonder that the writer is tired. Guess what, lady - if you were in your twenties or thirties you'd still be exhausted, just not quite as much as you are right now. I also have two kids - a 15-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son. Between the 15-year-old's whininess (typical of that age) and never-ending questions from the son, I too get tired sometimes. But unlike the writer, I don't let the negativity get me down. I was told at age 18 that I could never get pregnant. So I'm damned blessed to have my kids -even if they drive me crazy sometimes.

Been there, did that, when I was in the Air Force. To a young person, three months is an eternity. To an older person, three years goes by in the blink of an eye.

I can sympathize, but part of me feels like saying "You think three months is bad? Try three years. That's how long I have to go before I can retire from my boring job." Yes, it does seem like a long time, but I think that I'll give Cary's suggestions a try, even though my situation is different from the LWs.

I would advise the LW to see as much as the country he is in as he possibly can. Chances are, he will never return there after he leaves. That may sound like a good thing now, but believe it or not, he may very well get homesick for this place years after he leaves. It happened to me. In 1990, the Air Force sent me to the Azores (tiny Portuguese islands in the Atlantic Ocean). The whole time I was there, I griped about the place and could not wait to leave. My commander (and many of my other higher-ups)was a pain and made my working life miserable.

Though I will never stay in a work environment like that again, I miss the Azores islands immensely. Today, I would kill to go back there for a visit!

there is no way anyone could make this up. Even a horror writer like Stephen King would be incapable of dreaming up something this bizarre!

I wonder if the only reason why hubby is going along with his Mom's crazy idea is just to get her off of his back. Perhaps he is just as turned off by this as his wife is, but he does not want to get Mom upset, so he is keeping his real opinion to himself. (It's possible - I have seen my father and my husband both agree to do stuff they didn't really want to do just to make their Moms happy. Though, admittedly, nothing as strange as this.)

I have heard that Playboy's photographers are totally unaroused when taking the famous nude pics. They're too busy to be aroused.