Letters to the Editor
ASB
Published Letters: 20 Editor's Choice: 2
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Forget the Family
[Read the article: My girlfriend's family is suffocating our relationship]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW,
You've got a serious problem here, but it has nothing to do with your girlfriend's family. She seems to be happy enough with her relationship with her family, and you seem to like her family pretty well despite the phone schedule. The problem is between you and your girlfriend.
Have the two of you ever gotten into a serious argument before? How does she handle disagreements between you? Does she get worked up into a state of nausea when you disapprove of actions she's taken? Or have you never strongly disagreed with her on anything of consequence? You're clearly upset about her relationship with her family, and you say it's been a bone of contention, but have you let her know exactly how upset it makes you? I might be presumptuous here, but I'm guessing not. If she gets vomitously upset (sorry for the neologism) over disapproval from people she cares about, you're probably going to have to walk on some serious eggshells for the rest of your relationship with her. If that's the sort of relationship you want to have, with a sweet and kind yet highly fragile person, then get used to swallowing your pride and tempering your criticisms. I can assure you this situation with her family will not be the worst such situation you encounter. (The problems of a two year old relationship rarely are.)
If, however, you'd feel more comfortable with someone who knows how to stand up for herself, someone stronger and more independent, then you really have no choice but to end this relationship. You can't change your girlfriend's actions; only she can, and only if she wants to. Not to mention the fact that if she does change her actions, and she does so only to please you, then you will have officially become her new surrogate "parents and sister and aunt". Keep in mind, though, that this might not make you happy. A stronger, more independent girlfriend might not cling to you so tightly, might not make you feel as strong yourself. Some men like women they feel they need to protect and fix. Other men like women that challenge them. Different strokes for different folks. She is who she is, so I'd recommend figuring out exactly who you are (or who you want to be) and then making your decisions with that self-knowledge in mind. You can learn a lot about a person by whom they choose to be romantically involved with. It's not just a rhetorical question: Are you happy about what your choice of girlfriend reveals about you?
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WHAT?!?
[Read the article: The breast of times]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A happy memory? Is Judith Woodburn serious? The problem here is not the breastfeeding. What Ms. Woodburn is describing here is simply bad parenting.
Let's say a child cries bloody murder whenever he is told he cannot simply run into the street without holding his parent's hand. Every single time, he runs, is not not to, and responds with screaming and kicking and hitting. How should one react, as a parent? If Ms. Woodburn is to be believed, you allow the child to play in traffic, because you wouldn't want to cause any "unhappy memories" by denying the child's every wish. Children want all kinds of unhealthy things: candy for dinner, annoying cartoons all day, expensive toys they'll play with once and discard. Any parent who allows him or herself to get browbeaten into giving in to a child's selfish impulses is malpracticing the art of childrearing.
It's not like Ms. Woodburn's child CAN'T sleep without nursing, since he couldn't have remained awake for the entirety of her business trips. He only needs it when she's around, and only then because it's a measure of control. What happens when he's sixteen and wants the family car before he's responsible enough to drive it? He'll cry and scream until his mother gives in, because that seems to have worked for as long as (and even before) he can remember. No one does their child any favors by being a weak parent who folds under pressure. This poor child will grow up a selfish, controlling, demanding boor. (And if he actually does remember suckling his mother? My bank account only wishes I were his future therapist.)
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The Weak and the Strong
[Read the article: Why I had to quit the John Edwards campaign]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Ms. Marcotte (and I can only assume Ms. McEwan, as I've never spent that much time reading through her blog) is an emotional, strident, clever, and intelligent writer. That's what she was hired to be. That's what she's always been. That's what I hope she continues to be for as long as her fingers allow. What she is not, however, is strong.
Don't read this as an indictment, mind you. In the current political/media environment, strength comes from money. Strength comes from working within the constraints of the television and print world. Strength comes from being well-connected to the powers that be. The joy of reading blogs is watching the weak speak truth to power. It is patently unfair to condemn Ms. Marcotte for "giving the rightwing a victory". Only a blind idealist could possibly expect a regular citizen, with nothing more than a website, to effectively counter a coordinated media assault.
It is John Edwards who bears responsibility for this rightwing victory. He had the strength to stand up to Bill Donohue and his digusting ilk. He could have held a press conference and vociferously stood up for his bloggers' right to speak. He could have refused to accept their resignations. He could have counterattacked Mr. Donohue and sparked a real conversation about those who hide their bigotry behind false piety. That Mr. Edwards did not is his own failing, not Ms. Marcotte's. He had the strength to make a difference and chose instead to sit back and wait for the storm to blow over. I have nothing but the utmost respect (and apologies, for the embarassing actions of the worst elements of my gender) for Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan. I am sorry most of all, however, for the respect I lost for John Edwards.