Many people are light sleepers, and these types of situations are not unusual at all. O. hit it right on the head when she brought up the influence of movies and television in creating an unrealistically normative portrayal of couples post-coitally melding into each other for a night of uninterrupted slumber.

Unfortunately I cant recall the source, but I read an article recently on couples not sleeping together- and the usual reason was that the man was an incredibly loud snorer. The article did mention all sorts of other reasons as well- substantially different schedules, sleepwalking, irreconciliable preferences regarding the mattress, pillows, room temperature, etc.

Maybe he could try easing into it- first, sleeping in the same room, to get used to the noise. Then, he could try sleeping in bed with a full body pillow set up in between. Or you could try sleeping together on the weekends and sleeping apart during the week.

As far as the suspicions of intimacy issues go, I encourage any women to share their views if they disagree, but if the man involved is in all other respects a sensitive, concerned, caring and supportive partner, then his girlfriend should be able to trust him enough to take him at his word that this is an issue of being a light sleeper, not one of fear of intimacy.

This is quite a difficult situation to resolve with all of the differing levels of expectation involved- at the most preliminary level, we can examine the ethical implications (and I call this preliminary only because it dictates the parameters for how one person should treat another, regardless of any more complicating personal relationship.)

To resolve the ethical matter, the key is to establish whose negligence contributed the most to the theft. The boyfriend left 1000 USD in his wallet, on the floor. He did this in a place where that amount of money could be anywhere from 3 months to a full year of the wage earned by the housekeepers. He did not hide the money anywhere, put it in a drawer, or, as one earlier writer suggested, keep it in a form less amenable to theft (like traveler's checks.) His negligence is the proximal contributing element of the theft, and the house owner's negligence is more peripheral.

The house owner shares some blame, and although ethics do not require them to reimburse anyone, it is reasonable and decent that he make an offer to do so. It should be assumed that this is an honest offer, and the boyfriend should not feel bad about accepting the offer.

The father of the girlfriend has no business interfering at all.

Regarding the reasoning of the other posters on the board, I would like to congratulate all of those who argue that they would feel responsible if this were to happen in their home, and would offer reimbursement. To anyone who mentioned the wealth of the house owner, that has nothing to do with it. It should not change the ethics of the situation or the obligations of the people involved.

Now, as to what can be done, there are many fewer options, given that the father has insinuated himself into the problem, and the whole thing boils down to what is worth more to the boyfriend: the respect of the father, or the money?

One of the great limitations of an advice column is that you only get one perspective on the situation, and you are forced to take the words of the letter-writer at face-value. My preliminary advice would be for the person seeking advice would be to reflect a bit on their own motivations for singling out their attention on this person. This suspicion may be misplaced, but just for a moment I might point out that the part about confiding in the other teacher that you "feel very close to" might be read as you going to a friend to have your opinion validated or to recruit an ally, rather than seek an objective opinion. Also, as far as the unanswered questions in the question box, cant you or someone else assert themselves ten minutes before you finish class to address them? There are three other teachers.

Now, having taken care of some of the caveats, it _does_ sound to me like this woman has boundary issues. As far as whether the comments embarrassed the students, you really have to be there to get an accurate read on the situation. It depends on the exact contents of what was said, the nature of the specific kids in question, the woman in question, and their mutual relationship.

Also, it should be mentioned that sex is a very touchy subject (heh heh) and when it comes to talking about it with other people's 13-year old children, a little discretion goes a long way. Most health educators Ive been in the presence of may joke about things a little, or tell a story or two, but they also seem to take exceptional care to make sure they establish some line of intimacy that doesn't get crossed.

So, basically, talk to all of the other teachers about your concerns with the question box, and tread lightly but talk directly to the woman in question. If she responds reasonably, problem solved (for the most part). If she is inclined to act up following a confrontation [in a way that adversely affects the teaching of the class, or the working relationship of the teaching group], the other teachers will have little choice but to address her. The committee should be an absolute last resort-- it would be embarrassing for her, and it seems unlikely as well that the desire of the group for consensus wouldn't be able to successfully moderate a disagreement.