Surely there's a Greyhound or something the not-quite-boyfriend can take to come visit you? Let him meet you halfway in trying to make this work before you move home to be with him. Otherwise it's too one-sided.

Like others, I advocate giving life in the big city a chance (and for god's sakes, without Mom!). It's not as scary as you think. I grew up there, and was taking public transportation alone to school by the age of 8. Granted, those were gentler times, or maybe my parents were just foolish, but I do think Chicago is fairly benign. Calling its neighborhoods glorified theme parks as an earlier letter writer did may be a bit much (if amusing), but it's true that it's full of former suburbanites ... you just don't know many of them yet!

Good luck, young letter writer ... at least you're choosing between two exciting things, new love or a love for a new city, even if it's hard to choose right now.

In response to the previous letter, from "No Name Given," quite simply, the following is true:

1. Women and men have a wide variety of reasons for marrying, some opportunistic, some naive, some based on blind faith, or perhaps the need to form a partnership with a trustworthy, sympathetic, and (to them) blindingly attractive other soul.

2. The woman writing this list chooses to marry for love and respect of her future partner, part of that respect being that he is a person who's shown he can take care of himself, and presumably contribute with her to the welfare of a family.

3. Marriage benefits two partners who promise to love and support each other, emotionally as well as financially.

4. Sex is good when you have the energy for it, are feeling loved and understood, or are just plain horny.

5. Most women like to have sex sometimes, some women want to have children, and women who have children care about having/earning money to care for them. Men tend to feel this way, too.

6. Most women want to be treated as individuals of value. Some women have skewed values, however, and so do some men.

7. A woman who works will need someone else, either her partner or another caregiver, to take care of the children some of the time. This might not turn out well, but it might also expose the children to strong role models other than the parents, and give them broader social skills they wouldn't get if they were home all day with Mom.

8. Show us the link for this statistic, please. Sounds freaking fishy to me. How many women in relation to men are expected to pay child support, anyway? I'm guessing they're far and away the primary caregivers in these situations.

Misogyny stated as "fact" - nice effort. Just because you say something is true doesn't mean it is. I'm not sure what life experiences lead to a worldview such as this one, but whatever they were I pity you for them. I assume the world feels safer when you view it in these black-and white terms, but in my own experience, nothing is that simple, and people are the least simple of all. There's no way to speak for us all, and it's really presumptuous of you to try.

I'm wondering, when the letter writer asked if her father would like to come visit, did she mean sometime after the new baby was born, or right away? I'm guessing she assumed as the new grandpa he should plan to arrive immediately after the bundle of joy appeared on the scene, the way her mother would have wanted to. I doubt he meant "I'll have to check my schedule to see if I have time to meet this kid before he grows up and goes off to college."

The impression I get from this letter is "if he really loves me, he'll do [fill in the blank]." It can be off-putting when someone already has an idea of what you should do for them, and doesn't give you the chance to be giving on your own terms. The boundaries fly up, and what could be a time of connection is instead one of defensiveness. Is it really important that he be there right away, or would it be okay if he came sometime in the first few months? Think about what you want and need, and why, and let him know without assuming that he will have the same expectations. How about, "Dad, I'm expecting! We would love for you to come meet the new baby when you're able to ... or we could come to you if you'd like, once we're able to travel. Just let us know."

It seems to me the real victim of guilt here is the letter writer herself. She is the literal fruit of the situation that caused her half-brother pain (the new family that had no room for the existing child). When she sees her father's regret, perhaps she, too, feels responsible. If Dad could "just be happy" about things, she wouldn't have to be reminded that the price of her happy childhood was the destruction of her brother's. But it's true, it isn't her fault. She is not her father, and he owns his mistakes.

This is a sad letter. Like others, I am wondering how much the father has attempted to reach out to his son and make concrete amends for the past, beyond just sitting around brooding. Has he taken the step of telling his son he's sorry? That seems to be the key here, not just trying to let go of the past.