The generosity thing may be food for thought, but there are many other issues at play here. We are a society that values our private spaces, and the LW's feelings reflect that. I don't get a sense that the Cousin is LW's favorite person to be with anyway. Even if there wasn't a pool, LW probably wouldn't want to come home to the Cousin lounging in her living room on a regular basis either. I don't think the LW's need for privacy in her own home, especially when entertaining her real friends, is about selfishness of resources. And to equate it to the health care crisis - ? Only if free health care for all means sharing a hospital bed with your husband's cousin.

Miss Manners likely would have approved of your kind way of pointing out the lemon-tree owner's faux pas by saying that you would also like some lemons.

No, Miss Manners would never approve of pointing out someone else's rudeness. That would be meeting rudeness with rudeness, never OK in Miss Manners book.

But you're right, offering lemons to one guest and not others is rude. Perhaps the hostess meant it to be an open invitation to all within earshot and Cary's escort misread the situation. Miss Manners also always assumes the best intentions of her hosts.

Harris asks why we are obsessed with cheerleaders. Are we? Since we're being told we don't really understand the sport/activity (I won't go there), I question whether we're a society obsessed with cheerleading.

But yes, we're obsessed with youth and beauty. When cheerleaders are on tv men pay attention - but I think it's for the skimpy outfits rather than the feats of athletic brilliance. If cheerleaders truly want to be taken seriously as athletes, they should wear real clothes, not glorified bikinis.

Even though I think at age 28 you have a long time ahead of you to have a baby, if you really want one so bad, do it. With good planning involved (your finances, your backup network, etc.), of course. But your jump to "finding a husband" is concerning. Wanting a baby is a wholly different thing than wanting a husband. Too many women marry because they want the package - husband, baby, house, dog, etc. Marry because you're madly in love with the right person, not because you need to complete a picture you have in your head.

But be realistic, having a baby alone is not easy. Do it if you can, if not, you're 28, you do have time.

Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting a husband and baby at age 28. The concern is that the LW wants a baby SO BAD that she might rush into a relationship with the wrong man in order to get the baby. I know too many women and men who married the person they were dating when they were 28 or 30 because they thought it was the right time to settle down and have a baby, rather than they wanted to settle down with that person specifically.

If LW really wants a baby, then that's what she should focus on. The rest will follow in due time. You can't rush the package fantasy! (not if you want it to work out)

Aah, but there's a BIG difference between a book you've read lately and what you put down as the last book you've read on your dating page. Lots of people read Da Vinci code, not every one of them would think it impressive enough to put down for prospective dates. A guy who read a book that half America was reading? I can ignore that. But a guy who thought The DaVinci Code was going to impress me? Yes, dealbreaker.

Obviously you don't dump someone for having different taste than you, but if someone's taste is personally offensive (Dianetics, Ann Coulter) then you know you probably aren't destined for much of a relationship anyway. My husband and I haven't read a book in common in 20 years (Love in the Time of Cholera, he persuaded me to buy it on one of our first dates). But we talk about what we've read all the time.

a camp where they learn things that are so diametrically opposed to our values? ... we know how manipulative the Bible camp setting can be

I find it hard to believe that the person who wrote this is actually a parent. (Cary clearly isn't). It boggles this parent's mind that someone would send their child away from their own care to spend a week with manipulative people to learn things that they are diametrically opposed to. It doesn't really matter whether they come back indoctrinated or not (there's a good chance they won't be entirely). You don't loan your children out even for potential indoctrination just because someone else is willing to pay.

Camps just aren't that hard to come by, nor is time spent with the aunt and grandparents.

I have to wonder if the LW is one of those parents who feels it's their duty to always make sure their child is happy, forgetting about discipline, leading and real parenting entirely. Has he never said, "no, that's not the way we do things in this family" before?

"I lean toward letting kids do what they really, really want to do. I have a kind of instinctive faith in kids, in their ability to sort through stuff."

This is clearly said by someone who has spent no time around children. We don't even know the age of the LW's children. To assume that they have the ability to "sort through stuff" and should get to do what they "really, really want" is naive. I wonder how if kids are so good at sorting through stuff so many people become adults who can't?