Letters to the Editor
incontext
Published Letters: 5
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That's What Friends Are For
[Read the article: Moving beyond Obama and race]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm an atypical gay, white man, over 50, who may understand why Obama has stayed with his church and Rev. Wright for 20 years, even if he sincerely did NOT like or agree with all of what was being said.
Those who attempt to shame Obama by throwing his words about his grandmother or the words of Rev. Wright in his face sound like they've already made up their minds and are delivering a whitened-up/politened-up version of outrage that Rev. Wright is accused of committing and that, to them, Obama will make the law of the land from the Oval Office.
Here's my take on the subjects of loyalty and contradiction. There's much I cannot stand about pop gay male culture...the superficiality based on appearances and fads, the sloppiness regarding drugs, health, ethics in relationships, the no-boundaries sexuality, the sometimes whiny yet privileged victimhood and its anti-spiritual xenophobia.
Paradoxically, I still need and want the social and spiritual support of that same gay male culture...and I'm not talking sex here, just socializing.
"Why stay?!," some might ask. Because, even with the stereotypes, there are those who I feel a sense of family among within the gay community, particularly men, that I do not feel in the same way with any other subgroup. I get that my sexuality is already fully understood and accepted in a gay crowd.
Being gay is not nearly all I am. I usually end up spending most of my time in mixed crowds because my interest in spiritual/metaphysical matters are more often met there than in exclusively gay company. But I always loyally return, sometimes to my chagrin, to the people who are already authentically educated about what it's like to be gay in a world that can be sympathetic, but is often uninterested, ambivalent or hostile about the topic.
And, yes, in exclusively gay crowds, you'll hear some unkind or angry things said about straight people, politicians and this country. The reverse happens against gay people, politicians and this country in non-gay crowds, particularly among angry religionists, but for the most part, straight crowds never think to talk about gay people at all, except maybe in jest. So, even gay men who have great self-esteem in the world still need to occasionally let off steam about that world in the company of others who without the slightest adjustment can relate.
There! There secret is out. Subgroups who are overtly or quietly harrassed or distrusted by angry, close-minded and perfectly nice people---in-person or in the media---sometimes say outrageously thoughtless things in return when in a sympathetic crowd. But it doesn't mean they follow up their coffee and conspiracy meetings by throwing bombs, voting Republican or, heaven forbid, burning the flag.
Anyone who says that racism is gone in this country either is blessed with being much younger than I, is the brand of Republican who can't be bothered with introspection when money or lies will do the trick, is any politician running for office (save a thimbleful), or is your typical American with so many worries of their own there's not much room to consider anyone else's.
I kind of dread the day when gays are accepted as blacks or any darker skinned folks purportedly are in this country. Passive or unconscious prejudice can be trickier to deal with than deliberate hostility.
I'm as guilty as any typical white person of my generation of displaying autonomic racism. I may try to hide it in public, feel guity about it later or blame someone, but it's there. Outlawing racism doesn't solve the problem of my unconscious responses to race, but neither does promoting a free-for-all Fox style hatefest of low-brow 'honesty'. A different way of feeling comfortable addressing racial tensions and harmonies (and other issues, such as money, war, justice, education, corporatism and healthcare) is needed before solutions will show up.
So, let's meander back to Obama. In my opinion, Rev. Wright speaks for some of the righteous anger of the black community, though many blacks might quibble about specifics of 9/11, AIDS or maybe anger itself. Even if Wright's ideas are far afield from the mainstream, it's not like the pastor has spawned a presidential candidate who will on Inauguration Day set the U.S. Constitution on fire and metaphorically burn down the White House in a fit of black rage. Besides, that particular line of attack in the feared "Black Revenge On America" was ruined by the overwhelmingly white Bush administration, who accomplished it with the help of only a couple willing African-Americans. Shame on all of them.
Trying to nanoinspect every phrase of Obama's message---one that cannot be dissected without destroying its spiritual significance---is totally old school in a reality where a kind of transcendent Unity is barely beginning to wake us from a bad dream in which we've grown accustomed to projecting our worst fears onto each other and thus, living in a world of enemies. We can't solve this problem by denying it exists or by forbidding talk, in the interests of political pragmatism, that suggests we each play some part in perpetuating and solving it. The possibility of change is here now in this election. All change starts with a vision. A vision that is shared or supported by the many can produce huge beneificial changes in the world. Vision is the new 'common sense'.
I suggest this: actually listen to each candidate with your heart (or from the hollows of your chest, for those who think it's too gay to have a heart) and see who inspires you to a vision of action that excites you or agrees with your heart. And vote for her or him. The world is not as simple as black and white anymore. And no one individual is, either. I happen to like that message and trust that the source of its appeal is more powerful than any one person and will prove more practical in the world than some may yet suspect.