What an amazing collection of advice, most of it pretty good, not some much Cary's though.

I am a lawyer, not a PhD. My wife is a psychology PhD, though, from a prestigous program--not an Ivy, but most Ivy's could not have touched this program in prestige at the time she was there. So I know a little.

Sure a top 20 program is going to open some doors and you are not going to work any harder there than anywhere, but you did not get in there. Who knows why? I agree with the one writer who suggested that if it were important to buff up the vita with a Masters degree and give it another shot--if it is important. I do not think that will get you into the Ivies or whatever the top programs are, but it might move you up the food chain a bit.

I think Cary has gone of the deep end on the Ivies. I am sure there are some that are in grad school at the Ivies because of who they summered with, and who are going to drive off to the yacht club in their sports cars leaving the rest of us behind, but I do not think that has very much to to with Harvard grad school. When I was in law school and just after I developed some good friends that had been in English grad school at Harvard and had taught and similar there. Not a blue blood in the bunch, and they were delightful people that were not driving off leaving anyone anywhere. I guess they considered themselves to have failed at the English professor game or saw the crock a the end of the rainbow there, and were slumming it with me in law school.

I suspect that if your Ivy friends dirve off without you, it will be more because they are killing themselves trying to make tenure some place, and playing the games that all faculty have to play to survive. Sure they may have a much, much easier time getting the more presitigeous position because of their resume and contacts--and I am sure that at the graduate level, just like at the undergarduate level, admission is not always based upon merit and the right background helps get in--but I do not think it is going to much resemble hanging around on a yacht. Where the heck did Cary go to undergrad anyway? There were lots of professors that had gone to Harvard at my undergrad school, and no doubt in my mind that Harvard can be snobby, but I sure did not think that those professors were major bluebloods. Most people with big money and connections do not choose to work that hard, and if they do, their personality is not the type makes then abandons friends because they are not at the yacht club.

I would think that you want to study something very specific. The most important thing would be to figure out whether you can stand six or so years the the folks you will have to work with, and secondarily what those folks can do for you to find a gig doing the specific thing you want to do. I doubt that openings for professors of slave narratives come up that often, but if you happen to be studying under the guy that is the expert and is plugged into all that goes on in that area, you do not care that the school is ranked 90th in English generally. Or is there a ranking of slave lit schools? Sure, and weather is a factor, why the heck not. At least you have a passion. For goodness sakes follow it. I think you can count on it guiding you if that is really what you want to do. If you just want the best English professor job you can get, sounds like there is plenty of advice being given, but it does not sound to me like that is what you are interested in.

Thought Cary's advice was spot on. The writer says she is sick of the situation so things are coming to an end sooner or later anyway unless things change. She has her stuff over there so I doubt that he is cheating. It is not the key, it is the uneveness of the relationship. I agree with the one writer who said that we have no idea how long a relationship this is. If it has not been that long maybe I do not want to give out a key either, but I should not be just a user. She does sound like a nice kid, but she does sound young and he more established.

A great Rorschach test of a letter. Something for us all to project our own inner stuff on. I thought Cary's response was very good. I read a book once that emphasized that all good decisionmaking is made based upon objective analysis, plus subjective determinations that we often have little insight into. I am a man who never really had a drive to have children, until I actually had them, yet I completely understand where the writer is coming from as far as cravings/desires. I think the thing to do is to use that strong desire for kids to guide your life. Find a good life mate. Make the right career and housing choices. Don't make it all depend on having a baby. Who knows, you may never have one. But I do not think you are going to go wrong finding an excellent life partner. (I did not hear the writer as wanting to rush out and have a baby without a husband. I guess I do not think that makes sense. Not at 28 anyway!) Or creating financial and emotional stability for yourself. Seems to me this craving has come at a good time in your life.