You mention that your mother, and later your brother, wouldn't agree to funerals for your deceased parents. Would having a memorial service help you mark their deaths, provide an "official" mourning event, so you can start to integrate their deaths into the life you have yet to live?

Even if you and a clergyperson or therapist were the only people to attend I feel this is worth considering.

Tom Ford made a comment in a 2/8/06 USA Today article about this cover concerning his attitude that (paraphrasing) he finds the nude body more attractive than the clothed. Interesting how the clothed body in this cover is his, and the nude bodies belong to young, 20-something women.

VF does this type of cover multiple times a year. And it's always young, attractive women who trade articles of clothing for exposure (pun intended), never men. The fact that Ford is clothed and the actresses are not is, sadly, just one more example of a gender double standard that is so ingrained in our culture and times that a lot of people don't see it for the reflection of power that it is.

Some covers we'll never see on VF or any other mainstream magazine:

(1) Fully-clothed film producer and Paramount studio head Sherry Lansing surrounded by nude Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall - them in subordinate poses, with Lansing nuzzling Jake's ear.

(2) Same VF picture as this month, except this time Ford is nude, and the women are clothed.

Completely different message, isn't it.

I think the Administration's response to the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 illustrates a tendency that humans haven't quite found a way to consistently control - we sometimes allow our initial emotional response to a situation stay in the driver's seat WAY too long. Sometimes we never get to the point where we can let the emotional issues pass out of supremacy, then engage our intellect to make decisions based upon meaningful data. This is critical when people's lives are on the line.

I think we're all aware of the credibility issues w/the data supporting the "case" for the war in Iraq. But thinking back - if the press wasn't complicit, they were certainly asleep at the wheel. They were so focused on reporting about our country's hurt, our damage, our desire for revenge - the sexier story that would get better ratings - that they didn't move to the next phase of analysis and exercise critical thinking skills. And some of us who thought something about the US response (its attack on Iraq) just wasn't supported by the data couldn't find an effective way to communicate to the press - "Hey, something's just not adding up here." But by that time, the US media was weeks into its incestuous 'embedded' relationship with the military. I felt fortunate to have been travelling in Australia during the initial days of the war; I had access to international media perspectives. Quite a different picture than was seen here in the US, even if you watched CNN.

I truly think one of the issues here is that the state of American Media today is one of ratings and dollars, not the truth or speaking to power. It's our responsibility to hold our leaders to the standards we desire. The press must be our partner.

...are definitely related. Fewer US workers are pursuing degrees in the sciences. Education budgets are being slashed. Current financial aid policy does not support our so-called education objectives. I would like to see more press on this aspect of the outsourcing equation.

The company I work for is struggling with the outsourcing issue. Actually, it's becoming less of a struggle every day. As a stockholder, would you want a company to invest where labor is cheaper, and the workers are better educated and very very motivated? Some of these workers' societal motivators are primal, thus very effective: the possbility of pulling their family out of poverty. The lure of intellectual stimulation. The competition required to get into a top Indian tech college - if you get in, you know you're among the best. Some of these workers are treated like rock stars in their hometowns.

Outsourcing is a no-brainer if all one is looking for is return on investment or quarterly stock performance. Yes, that's a very short-term view. But apparently that's all we're capable of focusing on these days. ;-(

Cary mentions the psychosexual issues that some men may have with colonoscopies, sigmoidoscopies and digital rectal exams. I wish more research would be done on this topic, because some men's "nothing's going in MY butt" reaction is strong enough to inhibit them from obtaining essential medical care. How many more men would receive early or timely diagnosis if a way could be found to help address the psychosexual issues?

New flash, if it helps: No one will think you're gay if you receive these tests. The gastroenterologist sees anuses in the double digits every single day - male, female, straight, gay, adult, child. There's nothing special about YOUR butt. Sexually active women who have gynecological exams may have a leg up on men here - we're used to invasive tests performed while in embarrassing positions. But the psychosexual issues some men experience typically don't come into play at the gyno's office either.

I have had multiple colonoscopies. The scope used is quite small. To reduce test time, I recommend a thorough pre-test prep (more annoying than the colonoscopy, in my opinion), and finding a gastro who does a lot of colonoscopies and has a lot of experience. You'll be well-medicated. Some colonoscopies I've flat-out slept through, some were a bit more uncomfortable. But if you've done a thorough prep, it passes quickly. YMMV. Ask your friends for doctor recommendations if at all possible. If you can stay awake, watch the monitor during the test. Very cool. Ask for pictures. ;-)

LW, best of luck to you. Hang in there.