A few years ago, my friend was shot and killed at work by her abusive ex-boyfriend, who then killed himself. There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of how I might have stopped it; you definitely get acute hindsight after experiencing something like that.

Reading what you had to say about other people's smugness really struck a chord with me. I get that different people mourn in different ways, but I've felt that the people around me have had that same smugness. It's very, very hard to listen to what other people have to say about the whole event since it occurred. I can't help but think that many of the other people involved have feigned sincerity without really doing a damn thing to honor her memory in any kind of tangible way.

Now, I can't begin to understand what it would be like to lose my father like that, nor can I imagine what it would be like to have to face my friend's killer over and over again. I can't even guess how I would start to recover if I were put in your position. But I do know what saved me. I've channeled my energy and pain and anger into learning about the problem of domestic violence, and I've devoted my time to a local DV organization for the past two years. I can't bring back my friend, but I'm making a difference by helping to make sure that someone else isn't killed under the same circumstances. Feeling like I am doing something constructive has made all the difference in the world. In the process, I've also connected with people that have devoted their time and energy to the same problem, all of whom have been a remarkable source of support when I've been dealing with my own issues.

So... good luck. I hope that you find what you need.