But his behavior is indicative of possibile mental health problems, perhaps ADD (I volunteer in the field). ADD goes undiagnosed a lot in adults and related behaviors are written off as character or "will" problems. Many adult sufferers also self-medicate and are substance abusers. And contrary to what most people believe, ADD is not primarily a hyperactivity problem, but an organization and impulse control problem... Forgetting appointments or showing up late or only realizing at the last minute that you're running out of money fits perfectly into the picture.

Of course, the guy could have any number of other mental health problems. Or he could be a jerk. But my experience has been that few people allow themselves to act like that if they can help it (if they are mentally ok). Nobody wants to be seen as a flake and to live from hand to mouth.

What would that mean for you? That you cannot really do much for him unless his underlying problems start being managed. With healthcare being what it is in the States, that is of course a tough proposition. Maybe you could locate some agency or NGO that could help him (I think somebody else suggested that as well)?

You are a wondeful person for wanting to help him. I would suggest you do so to the extent that you are not burdened, though. Finding outside help for him and hiring him for small jobs that you do need seem like reasonable ways.

I totally understand and sympathize with the feelings expressed here by stepchildren. It's frustrating to have your world changed through divorce, and it's frustrating to have to "put up" with somebody new who is "telling you what to do".

But that said, what are divorced parents supposed to do? Some of the posters here seem to think that the mere act of marrying a man with children is wrong, and that all stepmothers make legitimate targets of hate and abuse. If that is so, then what are we saying exactly? That we should have no divorce? I personally hope I never have to divorce myself, and I am all for working on the marriage and "hanging in there", especially when there are kids involved. But there are limits to "hanging in there", and we cannot enslave people in marriages. Not even for the sake of the children.

And I know that sometimes it may look like people divorce "just to follow their bliss", but one thing I've learned growing older is that what may seem insignificant or totally tolerable to one person may be somebody else's living hell. So barring cases of obvious immaturity (like neglecting your children post-divorce while spending all your money with college girls), I'd say it's better to refrain judgement.

I myself am a "child of divorce", although I don't like this expression at all. It makes it sound like having divorced parents makes you somehow traumatized and broken for life. I know each experience is different, but on a general level, from the literature I've read and from the cases I've seen around me, it's just one biographical element among others. Depending on how the others cards of your life are stacked up, you can end up doing very well even as a "child of divorce".

I for one am not complaining. Sure, I would have preferred to not have to explain to children at school why my mother had a different last name than mine, and I hated people talking condescendingly about "broken families" around me, but guess what - it was not all about me. I think that's something that should be made somewhat more obvious to children, some of which seem to think that any frustration they experience is an impardonable sin on the part of the parents.

The truth is, life is hard, and parents do what they can. As long as you are still taken care materially and emotionally after divorce (which thankfully I was, although mostly strictly by my mother), you're ok. Nobody owes you a perfect life.

As to remarriage... Stepfamilies are hard, that's true, but what's the alternative, for divorced parents? Of course, step-parents should be carefully selected by the actual parents (their partners), but some of the posts here seem to imply they shouldn't be brought in at all. I'm not a parent yet, but I can tell you I can't imagine giving up on spousal love and companionship anytime before I'm very old. It's an important and legitimate need, and I don't think parenthood can be a substitute.

I, for one, am really glad my mother is happily repartnered. I'm an adult now, with my own life, home, career, and parter - and while I love my mother and we communicate frequently, if all she had were the relationship with me, she would be very lonely. That's just the truth.

Best of luck to all the step-parents out there.