Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 151 Editor's Choice: 9
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You lied your way in and you're going to have to lie your way out.
[Read the article: Would you please get out of my swimming pool!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Like it or not (and in this case it seems like not), you and your husband are a unit. What he said (that anyone can use the pool) is interpreted to be your words as well. So, the cousin is not just operating under the assumption that your husband is okay with all-hours pool usage, but that you're fine with it too. Therefore, the thing NOT to do is to tell the cousin that your husband wasn't really speaking for you, that in fact you really AREN'T okay with her using the pool whenever. Number one, it makes you sound like a shrew, and number two, it clues an outsider into the communication problems in your relationship with your husband. That's not good for anyone.
What you can do is lie. Tell the cousin that a lot more people are using the pool than you'd anticipated, and as a result it's becoming impossible to maintain and you and your husband have decided to cut back on usage. Of course, you and your husband had better be on the same page about this issue before you tell your cousin. And that's probably the trickiest part of this whole thing, isn't it? Next time make sure you're both on the same page from the beginning. It'll be a lot easier.
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You need to get over the stigma first.
[Read the article: I'm embarrassed to admit I met my guy online]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Whether or not there is some kind of larger social stigma against online dating, and whether or not that stigma is diminishing, is completely irrelevant. The bottom line is that you're embarrassed about how you met your boyfriend. And you need to get over that. Because it doesn't take a genius to make the transition from "I feel self-conscious about the way I met my guy" to "I feel self-conscious about my guy." Yes, they're one and the same.
You say you're worried that people will think there's something wrong with you because you were "desperate" enough to date online; what you really mean is that there's part of you that's worried that there's something wrong with your boyfriend because he was desperate enough to do it. Again, I say, get over it. You're with him because he's a great guy. And he's with you because he thinks you're also great. If you want to see the fact that you met through online dating as some kind of weird fluke that needs to be probed and examined, well, go right ahead. But I think it would be a whole hell of a lot better to take your relationship as definitive proof that online dating works. And then start telling everyone else the same thing.
P.S., I met my girlfriend online. We've been together for almost two years. There's nothing wrong with either one of us; we're both hip, smart, awesome people who decided that we weren't going to find our soulmate in a loud, dimly lit bar. If anyone asks how we met, we happily tell them the truth, and hope that as more people hear our story they'll be inspired to give online dating a shot.
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I'm sorry...
[Read the article: Confronting Congolese rapists ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]But I can't help but see this as yet another justification for the systematic elimination of religion in the world. Otherworldly beliefs have a nearly unlimited capacity to drive people to unspeakable behavior... much, much moreso than social or political beliefs. Religion may serve many benign purposes, but at the end of the day it is quite simply the most powerful tool ever devised for the perpetuation of willful ignorance and irrational action.
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Nothing else is going to change until your own behavior does.
[Read the article: I let a homeless man move in with me and now I can't get rid of him]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Be realistic here. You let this man into your house after you'd previously had a restraining order against him. I don't think it matters whether you can get him out now, because let's face it, you're just going to let him back in later. He knows he has power over you, and he's going to keep on using it.
Instead, before you take any kind of action, you need to address the thoughts and feelings inside you that drive you to continue helping him. From what you've said, he is nothing but a destructive force in your life. Why do you need this force? Why do you need this man? Why do you keep making allowances for him when he's gone so far over the line? Come on, you gave him ONE rule to obey, he broke it, and you didn't do anything. (Asking him to leave is not doing anything, because you know very well how ineffective it is. Doing something is calling the cops, or committing him to an institution; something along those lines.)
So, you're not asking for help because you don't know how to get rid of him. You're asking for help because you don't want to get rid of him. Figure out how to want to. Convince yourself that you deserve a life free from him. Sounds obvious, I know, but you won't be able to get rid of him until you get there.
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I'll tell you who this is for:
[Read the article: The evil future is now: Semen detection kits]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Religious zealots who want to see if they have an excuse to stone their kids for failing to uphold archaic superstitions.
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What I've learned from Salon movie reviews...
[Read the article: "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]1. All mainstream movies that a reasonable number of people like are actually terrible, and I'm an idiot for falling under their spell.
2. All mainstream movies that everybody hates are actually not that bad, and I'm just not clever enough to spot the entertaining qualities in them.
3. The only reliably good movies are the ones I'd have to travel to a five-seat theater in rural Cambodia to see.