Letters to the Editor
Lizzie550
Published Letters: 3
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I had a great wedding, outside of the system
[Read the article: The marriage industrial complex]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I was in graduate school and did not want to spend a lot of money: I really, really hate the idea of being marketed into spending money I don't have. I wasn't broke, and my mom wanted to help, but I also did not want to throw my money away on constructed memories. I used to work in advertising and am all too familiar with the history of the diamond ring and the machinations of this industry (also being forced into overpriced ugly dresses as a bridesmaid helped me to see the light).
But I still wanted a special day to celebrate and set aside--one that was recognizable as a "wedding day".
First, we had a big bash with all of our friends for the engagement: a standard BYOB grad party. This shortened the invite list considerably. None of them were required to do the gift thing either (another scam!) as a result.
Then we only invited our very closest friends to the actual wedding, as well as some close relatives. 30 in all.
Reserved the dining room of a great restaurant and spend my food budget on a prix fix dinner. My in laws' gift was a cocktail hour before the wedding where they covered drinks for all thirty. Instead of a gift, sisters bought really good wine for the dinner. No DJ, but a friend played spanish guitar during the dinner. Cake was 3 tier cake decorated with flowers bought at wholesaler (to match bouquet)
Went to a flower wholesaler and bought big bunches of flowers myself. They recommended a designer, and she made the bouquets and boutonnieres for very little.
Instead of a wedding dress, I went to saks for champagne colored cocktail dress by DKNY, and matching wrap. I can still wear the dress. The dress cost more than I would spend on a dress--BUT a fraction of what some hideous meringue-y confection would cost. Same for the shoes.
One attendant; she could wear anything she liked as long as it was blue. Any kind of blue.
Hired an art/photog. student for the price of dinner and drinks and a bonus of $100 to take photos--he just gave us the film and we developed the negatives etc. and then picked the prints we liked; sis took some too.
It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that--it was elegant, unique, tasteful, looked traditional enough....a stand out day BUT did not succumb to any of the marketing industry crap.
Doing it yourself is 1000 times more fun than hiring some weddingbot.
I had a budget of about $5000 dollars. I made it through and had about $1000 left over!
Seriously, just throw a fun dinner party for those closest to you--buy them dinner and buy yourself a nice dress and some flowers.
Didn't bother with a honeymoon--went away for the weekend, had a great time eating out and fooling around and that was that. There was nothing to recover from.
I do not understand how or why people become convinced to fork over cash for such hideous TACKY events with bad food, bad music and ugly clothes! The sheer repetitiveness of the "unique" wedding is appalling.
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Hasn't anyone seen Planet Terror?
[Read the article: Losing bin Laden]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Bruce Willis plays a rogue military guy who is driven to cause an apocalypse because...back when he was in Special Forces sent to Afghanistan, he actually finds Bin Ladin, then kills him. He wasn't supposed to of course and so he's shamefully booted out of the military. And he's very very angry about that.
Anyway, maybe that is what happened.
Also the beard dye: even though OBL is a purported muslim fanatic, that doesn't mean he isn't vain as hell and that he won't bend the rules to suit himself whenever necessary.
Seriously, the guy is a pyschopath with strong narcissistic tendencies...you think he REALLY cares what the koran or whatever says about a beard or gold or botox for that matter.
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Honestly, this is something the LW should have known was coming
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]First, she may be suffering from body dysmorphic disorder: obsessive thoughts about looks regardless of attempts to control etc. are a symptom
Second, at a certain point caring about beauty is tiresome and tiring.
I was "beautiful" once too and commanded a great deal of male attention. Most of these men did not care anything about me at all and were incapable of having a conversation with me.
I went to grad school and got a Ph.D. I cared more about my intelligence and ability than my body or my face.
I also gained weight...I used the think the world would end if I went over 125 pounds. I now teach at University and confront the beautiful youths every single day...
I would not go back to that time! When I was just another hot chick treated in a dehumanizing way.
Now I command the attention of both male and female minds: I teach them how to think. I dress up for class, try to lose weight now and then, wear heels, sometimes make-up. But they are not looking at me, they are listening to me, and that feels much better! And, wrinkles, a little plumpness, a few grey hairs...all disappear. I feel like I have power, but it is not trivial childish power (loved for looks...whatever...who gives a crap what strangers think?)
When I was in college and then in my 20s, I got so tired of the constant sexualized attention. People could not see past my physical value which got me ....very little, really.
I now feel liberated. Aside from gross men hitting on me and feeling like they can say anything because my looks somehow seemed to invite them in...my life and relationship to the world has not changed.
I look at the young men and women in my class and I don't see "hot", I see "children"--unformed minds and unformed characters. I don't even notice what they look like.
Good luck...you might want to learn more about body dysmorphic disorder if you really cannot stop thinking about this.
Lizzie550