I personally believe that you will find like minded people as you move through life. I admit that I'm biased but I have found that people who work with animals in shelters and rehab, walk the walk and live their ethics. It would seem to me that you are on the threshold of discovery and richness, albeit a place that is unfamiliar and unknown. I forget who said it, but to paraphrase "without doubt we become fanatics" and this has been true for me. I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish home and after a crisis of faith, found Buddhism. Buddhism have given me a way to sit with discomfort, questions and not knowing and still find a sense of equanimity. In general, any denomination that does not have room for doubts and questioning is not a place to explore the meaning of one's life and find purpose. Good luck to you and may you be rewarded for your questing.

There's something quite delicious about being pursued (or perceived to be pursued) by an ex and maybe that's half the fun. I know, I know. In our therapeutically correct world, one is not supposed to have that pleasure, but hell, I do. It sounds to me that between LW's rejection of her ex and then her ex's rejection of her, they never really did have a conversation about what went wronng. Perhaps LW's ex is testing the waters (for just sex or possibly a redo) but whatever his intentions are, I'd encourage LW to look at what she'd get out of seeing this guy again and sharing some vino. It might be good for her to get together with him (once she figures out what she wants) to have a conversation and clear the air, regardless of what that might lead to. It might also be a good opportunity, once she's in his company, to see if (any) and what feelings she still has for him. I think a lot of times, we tend to weight things down and suffocate them with all kinds of things, versus just allowing something to unfold and see what happens. By the way, is it a California wine?

I generally agree with Cary, but not in this instance. I was born in another country and came here 25 years ago. I'm here by choice and have made a life for myself. I miss the country of my birth and continue to have moments of disorientation when an American will "playfully' imitate my accent and I am reminded that I will always be different. I too experienced excruciating loneliness when I first came here. I knew no one and what got me through was writing. I wrote about the differences (not good or bad - just observations) between my home country and America. I believe that this took the edge off my discomfort. Where I disagree with Cary is that I believe there is a tremendous pressure in this country to conform, both in one's personal life and work life. We are not as free as we'd like to believe - the words and music don't match. This might mirror the current conservative trend in this country, but we live with lots and lots of rules. We are told that the sky's the limit, that one can achieve anything one wishes, but this is much more difficult than one is led to believe. We live in a classed society - maybe not as rigid at the Brits, but it's certainly there. Our lives are run by the insurance industry, we conform to homeowner's association rules that sometimes - not all the time- are draconian. People with degrees graduate with a degree and gobs of debt, many taking jobs not of their choosing, just to pay off loans, taking jobs to get health insurance. This is not a rant about how awful life is over here, but rather my own experience in an attempt to take the road less traveled and the challenges I've faced.

did you see the LW's comment that she isn't into women? I think this might be a clue that she's not a lesbian. Duh!

As an introvert who loves my solitude, I totally understand the LW's response. My partner is an extrovert and has lots of friends and in addition to that, because of the location in which we live, we often have out of town guests passing through, who ask to stay with us. When my partner and I bought our house together, this was something to which I agreed because she has compromised on other things. I can tell you that when I come home from work to a blinking answering machine and I see an out of area code on the caller ID, my heart sinks and I pretty much know that we'll be having company soon. I don't feel like a better person because we open up our home to guests. I am gracious and hospitable, but I also look forward to packing a nice lunch for our guests when we send them on their way. I think it's easier said than done to think you can have people over and then go off and do your thing.

I totally agree with Cary and I would say that since her parents are fundamentalists, they should not be looking to her for assistance or support. Instead, they should be praying to their deity for help because Satan's spawn has nothing to offer them, if we take their thinking to its logical conclusion. Let the LW's brother take responsibility. He has the privilege of being legally married (which LW and her partner don't) and since his lifestyle meets LW's parents' approval, he should have no problem stepping up to the plate. To the LW I say that you have nothing to feel guilty about. You've created a loving family which you deserve and let your parents figure out how to sleep in the bed they made.