Cary, you had me a little worried the other day with your nonchalant reply about religion. I thought that perhaps you'd drunk a kind of Burning Man Koolaid and we'd lost you. I'm feeling particularly sensitive about the subject, given that the McCain/Palin freak show was less than a mile from my house yesterday and I watched the red-shirted sheep walking past my house, trudging up the street. And then I heard the thunderous applause and all I could do was look into my empty teacup and ask God to have mercy upon us and our country.

However, you've more than redeemed yourself and you've given much food for thought.

To the LW, I have a suggestion - adopt a pet (or two, if you're adopting cats). Go to an animal shelter and just walk around and see the love that needs giving. It might take you out of yourself. In my own situation, animals have opened my heart in a way that not therapy, nor anyone else could. To quote Anatole France "until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened" Perhaps N is a mirror of the fullness of your heart and what a shame it would be not to explore that. Good luck to you.

I might not always agree with your responses, but I always appreciate that you share your struggles, past and present. I am so grateful for your column and the reminders of how fortunate I am, and a reminder to try to have compassion because we really don't know what others are going through. Namaste, Cary.

Dear LW,

I'm trying so hard to understand why you're still with the spineless twit, as well as understand why you keep wanting spineless twit to at least be sympathetic. After the first grope, why didn't you kick the guy in the nuts? I agree with the other posters ... DTMFA.

Firstly thanks to both the LW and Cary for for their openness and frankness about grief. We tend to pathologize grief and many people are unable to just be with someone who is grieving. I have just returned from the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival in New Jersey and I heard several things over the course of the weekend that provided some insights. There was a panel discussion on Poetry and Animals and Mark Doty spoke of a friend who said that when we bring an animal into our lives, we "make a pact with grief" I believe that this also applies more generally and when we take birth. When we enter this world, we make a pact with grief and for me, the issue really is how to allow grief to inhabit my life without resisting it. Buddhists distinguish pain from suffering and believe that one can have pain without suffering. It's the resistance to grief that brings on the suffering. I have no useful advice for the LW, other than to honor her grief rather than trying to understand it. Perhaps understanding will come in due time, but I am heartened by her willingness to acknowledge the grief in the first place.

Since you are a stickler for details, I just wanted to let you know that your comment "...you shall be far more" isn't quite correct. "Shall" is used only in the first person singular or first person plural. Perhaps you could offer your services in tutoring Governor Palin's future son-in-law, given that he just dropped out of high school.

I know this is off-topic, but I wanted to express my sorrow for the loss of your cat. Of all the losses in my life (and there have been a fair number), the loss of my cats has been the most devastating. I know there will be posters who might deride this, but I cannot let your post pass without acknowledging this. I have no wise words, other than my wish that you grieve well and grieve fully. My wonderful vet once quoted Anatole France "until one has loved an animal, one's soul remains unawakened". I wish you the best.

Poor Matt Drudge. Does this mean he'll have to get a REAL job? Hopefully, it will be in the REAL America. See, I live in Northern Virginia which, according to Joe McCain, is "community country" Who knew this, given that we are the engine that drives the state and are 70% of the tax base for the rest of the state, many of which are toothless hicks still bemoaning that they lost the Civil War. Maybe Matt could get a job at one of 'em Civil War Reenactments selling memorabilia and funnel cakes.

To the credit of Jay Redd's parents, they were able to put their own biases to the side and focus on someone else's happiness. More power to them. It would appear that you're unable to do the same and as for your "happy" in quotation marks, clearly another's happiness is not your concern (how Christlike of you). Focus on your own Damn Family, please.

Here I am to give you a live example of an African American. I am white, born and raised in South Africa and emigrated to the US in 1983. By definition, I too am African-American. I went to the South African Embassy in Washington, D.C., to vote for Nelson Mandela in the first free and general election in South Africa in 1994 and I am honored to be voting for Obama tomorrow - in Virginia, no less. I am hoping that we will make history on many levels. Obama reminds me a lot of Nelson Mandela's attributes - brilliant, thoughtful, pragmatic, a visionary and someone who is secure enough in himself to listen to dissent and not question that person's patriotism.