Letters to the Editor
Brulette
Published Letters: 39 Editor's Choice: 7
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Saying Goodbye . . .
[Read the article: I should have gone to my aunt's funeral]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This is just a guess, but I would imagine that Auntie Miriam doesn't want you to beat yourself up over this. Funerals are about closure and saying goodbye. They are more for the living than the dead. In that case, find your own time, your own way to say goodbye or pay tribute to Auntie Miriam. Perhaps you can visit her grave or the family that is keeping her ashes when you next go back home and so spend time thinking and talking about your Auntie Miriam. That, I think, means the most. Of course you did miss out on the group commiseration of saying goodbye to Auntie Miriam, but it does not mean that something still can't be done.
Next, let this occasion sink into your consciousness. What I mean by saying that is the next time someone passes away that you care about, or the next time a friend or family member has a momentous occasion in their lives, try to make it a priority to attend to that event or occasion. However, we can't do everything! And we can't be all things to all people all the time. So be gentle on yourself, allow yourself your grief, but please do make time to say goodbye.
Lastly, I suspect that you might fear the judgment of your family members for not attending Miriam's funeral. Do not let that worry you. Perhaps you feel guilty for being young, in love and living in New York City while people you care about are aging and heading toward their demise in the Southwest. But that is the natural progression of life. One day you will die, we all die, none of us get out of this alive, so do things on your own terms and dismiss the guilt. You don't need it.
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This is a nonstarter . . .
[Read the article: I want more commitment from my married girlfriend]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This is a faux-dilemma with about fifty percent of the puzzle pieces missing. The intentions, desires and goals of the LW are nonexistent/vague, except for his desire to hear his fuck buddy say "I love you". Because that's what it's about here. Pleasure. Sex. Monthly clandestine rendezvous and covert texting. There's nothing wrong with any of that if it's acknowledged and enjoyed for what it is, but does it constitute a relationship wherein one could leverage for additional commitment and serious declarations of love? Of course not.
My guess is that the LW is either an emotionally-stunted commitment phobe who either consciously or subconsciously feels most comfortable in such a tenuous and non-binding relationship, or he is truly dense enough to mistake a casual relationship to a married woman for the I-love-you-let's-further-this-commitment variety. Either way it makes me sad. And bored. This is a very boring situation. There is no meat to it, no substance to hang on to. All one can do is what Cary did, state the obvious.
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A Room Full of Marines and a Young, Drunk Woman . . . hmmm . . .
[Read the article: Our friend got drunk and went to a hotel room with a bunch of Marines]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There's certainly the possibility that this young woman had sex with just one of the men in the hotel room while very, very drunk, but it's not likely. So there it is: possibility v. likelihood. It's possible that I could be president one day. It's possible that Carl Rove has a heart of gold, too. You see where I'm going here?
It would be safer for the LW to assume that her friend was gang raped, or at least having sex with a number of men in one evening while not completely aware. Assuming this worse case scenario should empower the friends of this young, substance abusing woman to take the hard line approach in helping her and not just standing back because it's the comfortable, easy thing to do. If someone gives a damn, they need to step in and intervene. Yeah, I know that everyone is responsible for his or herself at the end of the day, and you can't stop someone from doing what they want to do. You can't stop someone from drinking and fucking random men, but you can show someone that you care. Sometimes, knowing that someone cares is revolutionizing. The LW's friend needs firm help, not the righteous judgment and slipping respect that the LW refers too. The LW's friend has a drinking problem, and addicts frequently do handle adult affairs like children because they're not actually handling them at all. I think it would behoove the LW to attack her friend's problems, not the friend herself. That will only make things worse. And if the friend ends up hating the LW for confronting her, then so be it. Having the courage to show someone you care also means having the courage to be told to fuck off.
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Wha . . . .?!
[Read the article: No date, no prom for you!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm dying to know what the rationale for such a mean spirited prom edict is! And by a woman no less!
I love what K. Harding says about the post-prom implications. Keeping groups of girls from going together is effectively preventing a certain portion of the students from having a fun, relatively safe time at junior prom. If I were a parent of a daughter at this school I would aid my daughter in shunning the junior prom (unless she wanted to go with someone she actually liked) and throw a party for all the girls without dates.
It makes me feel sad for the girls who can't or won't get dates, who are maybe gay, unpopular, or not interested in anyone. Like these young women need to be marginalized more than they probably already are.