Letters to the Editor
amspeck
Published Letters: 357 Editor's Choice: 50
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Hear, hear!
[Read the article: I'm in love with a man of inaction!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm also what the reader calls slow. Not as slow as her guy, but infuriatingly slow for some of the people in my life. And granted, I tend to like people of action for my significant other. Such a thrill ride! Someone to introduce me to new things! Places to go! Things to do! And what they have to offer is always more interesting that the stuff I know about.
About a month ago, the girl I was dating blew up at me for being "miserable in so many areas of [my] life and not doing anything about it." One of those is my job.
I work for a good company and make a good income. I feel I was lucky to get this job and originally I thrived. Over time, I've gotten on projects that are more long term and use less of the variety of my skills. I miss that variety. I don't know what to do about that. I get stuck between feeling I should just be responsible, which means doing my job well and look to my free time for the variety; and feeling like I should throw caution to the wind and go find a fulfilling job. Unfortuntly, I have a habit of finding jobs that won't quite pay the bills when I'm in search of satisfaction.
So I don't want to "just change jobs." I'm not willing to get caught up in the excitement of a new office for two years and then be back in exactly the same place. I want to change something fundamental about how I look at work and money.
I can also get paralyzed by two equally good but very different choices. When my car was stolen last winter, I wasn't in a position where I could take mass transit to work. If I was, I might have put off buying a car. I believe mass transit is a moral good, but I don't enjoy it. So I might have tried to trick myself into liking it by not replacing my car right away.
I also owned a condo in a complex that changed after I bought it. It became much noisier. The life circumstances of the family below me changed and there was round-the-clock yelling, which I could hear. I wasn't sleeping well, but I wasn't sure I could make a better decision. One of those "doers" in my life helped me get out of that by giving me a place to stay and helping me fix what needed to be fixed to get it on the market.
My advice to this writer is this:
- This is a letter about you, not about him. If you don't like the slowness of his pace, it probably is time to go.
- If you want to support him in making changes, (either as a friend or as a partner) he really might be open to a conversation. Make a list of items you hear him complaining about. Present him with the list. (This has been helpful for me in the past.)
- Ask him if there's one thing on the list he'd like help changing. Ask him what he thinks the barriers are to changing it. Be prepared to hear a lot of extreme thoughts. ("I'll never find a place I can afford!" "I'll never find a place that fits me this well!" "I'll never find a place that's this convenient!") Don't bite. Don't fix these. Don't argue. Make a list of the real barriers, and then brainstorm and research together.
For example, all he needs to change his apartment is a real estate agent who specializes in apartments and a moving company. That is, of course, the expensive way, but it eliminates all the real barriers to finding a new place to live: Time to find it, transportation, packing, renting the truck, asking the friends to show up, unpacking.
If you can give him the gift of learning to build relationships with professional helpers you will have made his life much better. Maybe enough to share it with him.
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I Love this...
[Read the article: Resigned Reynolds aide says he warned Hastert's office three years ago]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Apparently, it's bad to sit on information for a later date to influence an election. Well, when it's bad for the GOP anyway. No one pitched a fit about it when the NYTimes sat on the wiretapping story until after the presidential election.
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The transcript of Bush's message
[Read the article: Mark Foley, Dennis Hastert, George Bush and Joe Lieberman]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Heck of a job, Denny."
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It's not just Capitol Hill
[Read the article: Open the closets on Capitol Hill]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The article was about how the press covers gay politicians, however the behavior is not limited to politicians. In coverage of Annie Leibovitz's new book, a book that features some of her favorite portrait sessions and family photos, the press conveniently demotes Susan Sontag, Leibovitz's long-time partner -- both professionally and personally -- to "life long friend" as if their relationship could have been one of just letters and not bedsheets. (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6184192 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14964292/site/newsweek/)
Similarly, artists such as Melissa Etheridge, k.d. lang, and Ellen DeGeneres have long complained about the absudity of "coming out" in the media, a process that for them took place long after they came to understand their sexuality and built careers of which it was an essential part.
I long for the day when coverage of a non-hetero person's sexuality is as natural as the coverage of a hetero person's... photos of who they're dating, announcing marriages, listing spouses or partners without making a big deal about it.
None of this would have made any difference in the Foley scandal, except for this: The GOP and hate-mongers of the religious right would not be able to smear all of us with the same brush because average Americans would be able to think of hundreds of examples that give lie to their accusations.