Letters to the Editor
ac_in_dc
Published Letters: 64 Editor's Choice: 12
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Nonsense
[Read the article: Holy hot marital sex!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Carol, I've got to disagree with you on this one. Not sure if you've ever been married, but for me, marriage was one big libido-kill. All of the excitement of doing something "edgy" fades away, and as the years go by, it gets pretty rough to keep the spirit alive. I wound up getting divorced, but would have really appreciated my church suggesting 30 consecutive days of sex; maybe it would have helped (by the end, we were lucky if we were doing it twice a month).
Sex is a natural and beautiful part of a relationship, and bravo for religious institutions for realizing and encouraging this.
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Sounds like an addiction to redemption
[Read the article: Could I quit the drinking but keep the hangovers? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thanks for the letter, LW; it's giving me something to reflect on. Hangovers do sound appealing the way you describe them. Sounds kind of like a sin and redemption thing. Being Catholic, I can get that from church (seriously! it's a beautiful thing to have a vehicle to make right the wrongs that we do).
If you were my friend, though, I would be worried about you. I'm not sure why it feels so good to you to regret your actions. Is there some kind of self-loathing going on here, where you only feel authentic when you're in a state of disgrace? Or is it that you're seeking out an intensity or authenticity in your life?
I'm not sure about the answer to that, but I hope that you continue to try alternatives to drinking to find the same feeling you're seeking. There are safer taboos: kinky sex with a trusted partner is the first one that comes to mind to me. While you're seeking these alternatives, I encourage you to reflect on why feeling bad about yourself feels good. A little bit of this might be OK, but a lot of this may not be so great for you in the long run.
As for me, I'm currently nursing a mild hangover. But it doesn't feel good; I just feel ashamed and sort of dumb for drinking on a Monday night. When I don't drink, I feel a lot better, and luckily, I seem to be doing less and less of the stupid drinking thing as I get older. But that's another story.
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For the LW and Samson, the first poster...
[Read the article: My half-brother locked me in the closet and I think I'm to blame]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, you feel as though something you did caused something to happen to you that makes you uncomfortable. This doesn't seem insurmountable to me; my understanding is that the vast majority of rape and abuse victims feel precisely the same way you do. A lot of very well-trained and compassionate folks have training to help people that have experienced the same things you did, and people do recover from these experiences.
In response to Samson's question as to whether this behavior constitutes "abuse," I think it probably does. But more importantly, I'd argue that it doesn't matter what actually happened. What matters is the lingering feelings of remorse and self-blame that the letter writer is experiencing.
Good luck to you, LW, and I wish you all the best in finding the courage to forgive both your brother and yourself for whatever may have happened when you were both children.
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You've got two problems, not one
[Read the article: Have I ruined my karma by sleeping with prostitutes?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]One problem is that you're unhappy in your current job and can't get out. That's a career problem.
The other problem is personal. While you've stopped the behavior that you felt was wrong (seeing prostitutes while married), you still don't feel absolved from your guilt. The answer seems obvious: tell your wife. Of course, it's not that simple, and I'm sure there's a lot of risk involved. But if you want a marriage worth saving, you're going to have to choose this path. You're not the first person to be in this situation; I'm sure there are books, counselors, etc. out there to guide you.
Making right the personal wrongs in your life will provide you with the confidence, the self-knowledge, and the sense of control to solve your career problems more effectively.
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Cary and MXC 100 were right...
[Read the article: I only feel alive when I'm in danger]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It's that malaise that makes me worry about you, LW, more than the risky behavior. If you were trying to kill yourself but had some real passion for it like those crazy guys on TV I would feel OK about you, but you just sound miserable without even feeling anything strongly enough to be miserable.
If you're cool enough to try crazy shit like hiking in the desert for a week, though, I have confidence that somewhere inside of you there's the potential for a vibrant human being capable of living an exciting and fulfilling life, the kind of human being that does care whether or not he kills himself.
I don't know how you can ignite your passion, though. Relationships tend to do the trick for me. When people get me down I rely on my dog (highly recommended, and an excellent travel companion). For you, though, it may be something different--what excited you when you were younger? what classes? what ideas? what kind of music, or art, or sports, or whatever? Can you get back to that place where you were at some point in your life when you approached the world with the wonder of a child?
You are young and exciting. The whole world waits for you. I want you to live, and enjoy it.