Letters to the Editor
ac_in_dc
Published Letters: 51 Editor's Choice: 11
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Try fewer first dates, more second dates
[Read the article: If the first date isn't great, why go out with him again? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You're not the first person I've met or heard of that has become overwhelmed by the choices that on-line dating present. Be careful--I've known people to repeat this pattern of endless first on-line dates (with no one being quite good enough) for years.
I've experienced a version of this myself, and had to stop dating on-line because the sheer number of guys available to me was dizzying, and I found myself making superficial judgements, and finally, shopping for a guy the same way I would shop for a car or a dress or any other commodity.
The best advice I can give is to try to narrow the field a bit more before the first date. Then you'll have more time to invest in the guys you actually do go out with and you won't have to figure out in 30 minutes if someone is "the one"...most of my best relationships, btw, have been with guys that didn't necessarily excite me so much in the beginning. Give more time to the "good" guys that you have stuff in common with, and reserve the spark for one-night stands.
Hope this helps. Good luck out there!
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setting boundaries
[Read the article: How to explain my husband to my kids?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, you seem to be taking on too much responsibility for the rest of your family. Be careful not to engage in permissive behavior with both your husband and your children...you may require help setting boundaries with all of them. You deserve to be treated better than this, and a trusted friend, counselor, or clergy member (maybe even someone at your sons' school) may be able to provide you with guidance.
One more piece of advice to add to Cary's: if it's possible, encourage your husband to spend more time alone with the kids. You can enable this by organizing or suggesting activities. This seems like a win-win to me: your husband develops a stronger relationship with the kids, you score points for making a fun day happen, plus you get some time to yourself.
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So climate change is a problem...what next?
[Read the article: Desperate times, desperate scientists]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]To the posters who are looking for guidance on how to proceed, I'd recommend a couple of resources:
1. See EarthTrends' article, "What can I do to help the environment and live more sustainably?" at http://earthtrends.wri.org/updates/node/111 for suggestions on how to change your individual habits.
2. Collectively, things get a bit trickier. For the scientifically minded, http://www.realclimate.org/ is a great resource. A number of policy reponses (carbon trading, offsets, etc.) are being road-tested by environmental organizations, with varying success, and there's not a lot of consensus yet around the best way to move forward. Let's hope the 10,000 folks in Bali right now can hammer out some feasible solutions.
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Nice response Cary.
[Read the article: My married boyfriend's ditching me for Christmas]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Sorry about your holiday disappointment. I like Cary's advice, and I hope that it helps to make you feel better.
Three thoughts:
1. Sounds like you didn't communicate with each other about your holiday plans. In my experience, even the most considerate guys can be clueless and not think of these things 'til the last minute. In the future, discuss holiday plans well in advance so that you have time to discuss, negotiate, smooth over hurt feelings, etc.
2. You've only met his mom once, and haven't met anyone else in the family. The holidays may not be a good time for these kinds of introductions. If you and your boyfriend are both serious about this relationship, arrange a joint visit to his hometown in the coming months where you can spend some quality time getting to know his family without the stress of the holidays.
3. I can't tell from your letter if your boyfriend has commitment issues, as some folks have suggested, or if your extended separations are evidence of dysfunction (I was separated for 2 years before my divorce, just because the stupid courts were really slow and I'm flaky with paperwork). Sorry everyone's being so hard on you about these two points. Only you can decide if these are bigger issues that need to be examined. Good luck with that.
Merry Christmas!
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Ugh
[Read the article: Tom the Dancing Bug]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The responses to this cartoon are a thoroughly depressing reminder of the extent of racism still present in this country.
IQ tests have a sketchy history...they have been used to justify all kinds of racism and eugenics. When I taught high school science, I pointed to eugenics as an example of how the scientific method can be perverted in terrible ways (just as religion can). The best refutation I've ever read to all of this bell curve crap is Stephen Jay Gould's The Mismeasure of Man, originally published in 1981.
To those posters whining about how race no longer matters or cherry-picking scientific studies to prove some thesis about black people being stupider than white people, you make me want to throw up. But I'm most angry about the teacher that posted to this thread about how black & latino students are less motivated than white students. When you enter the classroom as a teacher and presume that some children are going to do worse than others, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I don't appreciate you & other educators undermining the future of already-disadvantaged groups in this way. See Pygmalion in the Classroom, the 1968 classic study.
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No.
[Read the article: Our new friend is a racist -- should we dump him?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think that Cary has exhibited a bit too much moral relativism. It's usually an asset, but not in this case.
I debate matters of politics with my conservative friends, and we still respect each other. I discuss religion with folks of all denominations and usually walk away from the exchanges with a richer sense of the spiritual world.
Racism, when you scratch beneath the surface, is hatred, pure and simple, and it's important to recognize it as such.