Letters to the Editor
wire0monkey
Published Letters: 173 Editor's Choice: 5
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I dunno
[Read the article: I bailed on taking the bar exam at the last minute -- twice]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The bar exam is such awful experience that I'm reluctant to place any value on it regarding 1) whether you'll be a good lawyer or 2) how responsible you are in general. I've taken two bar exams, in two different states. The bar exam experience is soul-crushing. You have to cram such a large amount of information into your head and so much depends on the outcome of a two or three day high stakes test that it really bears no resemblance to actual lawyering.
Everyone in my bar exam classes was completely freaked. If you weren't freaked out on your fear when you went to class, by the time the first break was over, and everyone else had shared their fear, you were freaked out their fear. If you have a tendency to anxiety, the experience is really miserable.
I dealt with all that fear by working harder and studying more. You're dealing with all that fear by avoiding the test.
You've prepared for this thing multiple times. You're ready. Just go take the test.
I would also ask my doctor for something (Valium, Xanax, whatever) to steady my nerves.
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Fantasy
[Read the article: I was masturbating in my office to kinky Internet porn when another mom walked in]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Maybe she should ask the neighbor to give her a spanking for being so naughty...
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DTMFA
[Read the article: My friend has gone bad]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Mary sounds fun.
LW sounds jealous. She seems jealous that Mary has this fabulous lifestyle (money, friends, career) that she doesn't share. Mary's life-style threatens her perception of her self. She needs to work on her own issues and quit bitching about what someone else is doing. She can't control Mary and how Mary lives Mary's life is none of her business.
She also seems jealous that Mary wants to spend so much time with other people. Mary's friends threaten Mary's relationship with her. Mary clearly cares about LW though, and has been very supportive. I don't really know how someone gets over this kind of jealousy, but I do know that trying to control the other person and constantly complaining about the other person's friends is deeply unattractive.
In a romantic relationship, I'd call the jealous person a hopeless loser and tell the object of the jealousy to dump him/her.
If I were Mary, I would not want to continue to spend time with LW. If LW can't be a positive presence in Mary's life, LW needs to find friends who can share more time and interests with LW.
It's a loss. Time for both of them to grieve it and move on.
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Learning mindfulness
[Read the article: I'm an absent-minded engineer; my mind wanders and so does my wallet]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Practicing physical disciplines help improve mindfulness. Try taekwondo or dance.
Practicing mediation also helps. Try your local Buddhist teacher.
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@jaketwice
[Read the article: I'm an absent-minded engineer; my mind wanders and so does my wallet]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You're not describing a wife, you're describing a mother.
LW, please don't get married just because you need someone to take care of you. You're an adult. Learn to take care of yourself.
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Go!
[Read the article: Should I play this cruise ship gig -- with my anxiety and depression?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You might be surprised at what happens. A bit of traveling with lots of stops in different ports might do quite a bit to alleviate your anxiety and depressions. New sights, new sounds, new people, new everything may distract you and give you a new perspective.
Feed your head. It helps keep depression away. (It does for me, anyway.)
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Options
[Read the article: I thought I could overcome my past, but now it's dragging me down ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If individual therapy isn't helpful, maybe a support group could help you. Try an abuse survivors group or Al-Anon. You'll meet some people who've been through what you've been through and who have found ways to deal with it, one way or another. They'll understand you in ways that people who don't share your experience don't.
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KDelphi
[Read the article: I thought I could overcome my past, but now it's dragging me down ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Right on!
Honestly, the lack of compassion here is unbelievable at times. (I can be guilty of that myself, too.)
I understand why this letter writer might not want to share the nitty gitty with other folks. What purpose would it serve except to satisfy other people's nosiness?
I also know from personal experience that a letter column like this wouldn't necessarily have the space to take in the full history of my family. If I explained how messed up my family of origin is, it could take pages. The likely outcome of that explanation is that no one would believe me anyway because their dysfunction is so extreme. If I then told you that I maintain some kind of relationship with some of them anyway, you'd either call me a liar or judge me for being as dysfunctional as they are. (My response to that is "It's complicated.")
Is this LW lying or exaggerating -- who knows? Who cares? Even if the question isn't honest for LW, the response may help someone else.