Letters to the Editor
wire0monkey
Published Letters: 173 Editor's Choice: 5
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Poor kid
[Read the article: I'm really a self-actualized being, but my family is all messed up]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
Y'all should get to family therapy ASAP. A drinking problem and the type of explosive rages DON'T just resolve on their own. When a kid has this kind of troube, it's because the whole family is dysfunctional. The child's acting out is just the visible symptom of the whole family's problems. The child is "the presenting patient," but the whole family is involved when a kid gets this messed up.
You need to go therapy, too. You're playing a role in the dysfuntion. You seem distant from your family and uncaring. Why is that? Why aren't you intervening to protect your child from his mother's drinking problem?
Get to a family therapist.
Good luck.
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RE: self-centered advice
[Read the article: I'm really a self-actualized being, but my family is all messed up]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What other perspective do we have other than our own? How do you respond to another human being except from your own experience?
Demanding that a writer/speaker/advisor frame advice as coming from a source other than first person experience is demanding a narrative frame that is inherently false.
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RE: People's Advice Column
[Read the article: I'm really a self-actualized being, but my family is all messed up]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]*shrug*
When Salon started "Since You Asked...", they were looking for something different than an "Ann Landers" type column. They hired a writer and asked him to break the genre. Cary broke the genre.
Like other types of genre-breaking writing, it's not to everyone's taste. If you want safe, sensible advice from Ann or Abby or Prudie, you should ask them.
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--benw-sf
[Read the article: I'm really a self-actualized being, but my family is all messed up]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]We're having a good time answering the questions ourself and criticizing Cary's answer.
Y'all are breaking up the party to rant about how much you hate Cary. It gets tedious. If you're not having fun here, you should go somewhere else. It's a law of the universe. "Thou shalt not be a buzzkill."
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Black belt Al-Anon
[Read the article: Our friend got drunk and went to a hotel room with a bunch of Marines]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, the only way for you to keep this friendship is for you to mind your own business. You need to give her your opinion, set some boundaries and then leave it alone. Tell your friend that you don't approve of the extracurricular sex and you don't approve of the drinking. Then tell her that you're not going to cover for her anymore. You won't lie to the boyfriend. You won't rescue her in the middle of the night. You won't help her drink, cover up her drinking, or deal with the aftermath. Tell her that you're concerned about her health and her safety.
Then leave it be. Let her sink or swim on her own. Don't go drinking with her anymore. If she calls or texts you in the middle of the night, tell her to call 911. Let her decide what to do about the drinking and the boyfriend. If the boyfriend asks you a question about her sexual behavior, tell him the truth.
She's a big girl. It's time for her to decide what she wants to do. You can't decide for her.
Of course, this is a hard conversation to have and a hard boundry to stick to. Lots of people find the drama of day-to-day life with an alcoholic/problem friend/conniving ho much, much, much more interesting. You have to decide what you want, too.
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Been there, done that
[Read the article: My husband doesn't want to have sex with me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Some medications for depression lower the sex drive. SSRIs are a big offender in this category.
Wellbutrin (aka Zyban, aka bupropion) tends to increase the sex drive. Combining Wellbutrin with an SSRI allows lots of people to continue medication for depression without suffering the side effect of low libido.
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Another thought
[Read the article: My husband doesn't want to have sex with me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You might also want to talk to your husband about how he feels about his legal career. He struggled in law school and now he's started a new job far away from family and friends. A new legal career is very stressful and lots of people get to that first job and find that they HATE it. (Not just dislike --HATE it with a fiery passion.)
If he hates it and wants to leave the job, he may feel trapped by his role as sole earner. Since you're not working, he may blame you. I hated law school and my first two jobs as a lawyer with a crippling hate. My husband pushed me to stay in law school and then stay in those jobs because he wanted the income it could bring. I was extremely resentful of that. It was NOT good for our marriage or his sex life.
We finally hit a compromise. I changed jobs to a smaller, more flexible law firm and went to 4 days a week. I'm satisfied with my new job and new schedule, and the marriage has improved.
I don't know if that's how your husband feels. I may be 100% off base. You might want to ask, though.