brightstar seems to have a fundamental misunderstanding of feminism that is misconstrued with the right-wing misinterpretation of feminism.

Okay, so, here's the deal - feminism (especially radical feminism) is not about trying to "get more rights for women" or anything like that, because that assumes that if women had more rights in the current system, we'd all be fine. But that's not really true. So what is really needed is a fundamental cultural shift. Basically, to deconstruct the way we communicate with each other, the way we interact in the world, the way we see each other as men/women in order to reconstruct a world that is fully egalitarian, where people are treated with respect, etc. The ways in which feminism manifests is not by any means always perfect and in fact is often quite imperfect.

Now, women have not really been allowed to express their anger for a long, long time. It's only in the last 30 or 40 years that women have begun to be able to do this, though to great recoiling from men who suddenly feel threatened by women stepping out of their place. Men have been able to express their anger for millenia. Warfare is a sort of macro example.

I am a feminist. I open doors for men. I pay for their dinners. I do my husband's laundry and his dishes. I am the primary breadwinner in my home so that my husband can pursue his artistic profession. My husband also does my laundry. He pays for my meals sometimes. He does my dishes. He opens doors for me. These are things we do for each other.

See, the thing is, true feminism is about partnership. It's not about female domination, it's about partnership. The thing is, so many people are so used to men being in charge that they think feminists must want the same thing for women - but we don't. Most of us don't, anyway. We don't want to trade patriarchy for matriarchy. We don't want power in the same way as it's been exerted by the dominant culture for centuries. This is why Caryl Churchill once wrote, "there is no such thing as right-wing feminism."

The patriarchal version of feminism is not feminism. It's something else entirely. Please don't continue to get us confused.

So saying that you want men to treat women the same way in which they treat men is a little besides the point; as feminists we say, let's back up completely and start over, and start seeing each other as human beings who are all of equal value regardless of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc. Let's see each other as partners. And from that place, let's quit with the attacking and the namecalling and the so-called ballbusting. It's really about respect.

This seems to be what you are sorely lacking, brightstar - besides which, you have done the same thing that you've accused all feminists of doing, which is basically offering up inflammatory accusations without substantiating them with any kind of cohesive argument. Pot, meet kettle.

We don't have to agree in this place of partnership, and we don't all have to be friends, but a healthy amount of respect is certainly required.

To brightstar and a couple other commenters who managed to prove the case that feminism is still very much relevant and needed even in 2008. You have done a great job at showing us that with your thoughtful and thought-provoking comments. Thank you!

;)

Not to continue to hijack this conversation away from the oleander problem (which I agree is difficult -- respecting the elderly woman's wishes vs. teaching the annoying neighbor lady a lesson), but I'll bet that the swimming pool entry was seen by the cousin who was using the pool. I had a friend who wrote a letter to Cary about her boyfriend, and one of her boyfriend's friends saw it, noticed a few similar details, and reported straight back to him, after which he confronted my friend about it. It was a mess, especially given that the letter was about potential break-up!

Anyway, if the cousin DID see it, well, good.

As to the lack of permission, I'm not sure I buy it. It's pretty clear on Salon where you send a letter for publication and where you don't. So I'm guessing the LW was Found Out - whether by her husband or her cousin, I'm not sure, but I'll bet she also didn't like the evisceration of her husband in the comments.

Either way, I hope it keeps the cousins out of the pool!