Letters to the Editor
fetboy
Published Letters: 1229 Editor's Choice: 22
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To Katymurta
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"You say that you never betrayed anyone or told a lie when you were involved with married women. I beg to differ. Their husbands were being betrayed...and you lied by ommission."
Actually I agree with you entirely, but I see what I did more as indirectly betraying someone. My actions were a betrayal to someone, but not to someone that had ever given me his trust. And I do agree that by keeping secrets I was lying by omission, but as keeping secrets is my job, you could say I am a professional liar-by-omission (but the secrets I keep, keep people safe).
However when I was dating married women, I told them that if their husbands ever confronted me, then I would tell them the full truth.
I will not deny that I was culpable in something that was wrong, but what I did certainly was not illegal. But looking back on it all, it is hard to say that I didn't do some good (the women I was with both said they felt empowered by me), and to the best of my knowledge no one ever got hurt (to the best of my knowledge both women are still married, but I have not talked to either of them in over a decade).
To the real LW
Thank you for giving us more insight, but my question now is; it sounds like you want to be in an open marriage, am I wrong in my conclusion?
If I am not wrong, and an open marriage is what you desire, can you tell your husband that an open marriage is what you desire?
The only other conclusion I can make is that you love secrecy (I have to admit I love secrecy as well), but you have to understand that secrets are often uncovered, and when they are, huge consequences are going to have to be paid.
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Strained logic
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Trying to construct a moral argument with a sociopath is pointless. They are capable of logic but they are not capable of morals."
Absolutely right AKA Smith, and logic without morals is truly frighten, as argument can be written to justify anything from rape to genocide, if morals are pushed to the way side. Logic without morals is the true root of all evils. Also typically logical arguments lacking components founded upon morals are strained drastically, but logic can literally be stretched to infinity.
One thing I have noticed is that Cheater has not admitted that anything she has done is wrong. Even if she has not hurt her husband yet, that does not mean that her actions are not wrong.
I know have done wrong things in the past, and I admit that they were wrong, and I acknowledge that someday I may have to answer for them.
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To Katymurta
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I never thought of myself as a recovered "other man," it was just that after I turned 23 I decided I wanted more meaningful relationship. But when I was dating married women (and I dated many that I never had sex with or formed relationships with), I did so, because I loved women of power. They, the married women I did form relationships with, were more than 10 years older than, very successful, and very intelligent. One was a trial lawyer (or ambulance chaser as she called herself), and the other was a art history professor.
What they saw in me (a college drop out, goth punk from the inner city)? I don't know, but I think I just caused them to feel comfortable. Conversation goes a long way when you know that the person you are talking is genuinely interested in you, and I was absolutely enamored by these women.
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To AKA Smith
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I suppose escaping the walls, that wall in their emotions, is probably a big reason why a lot of well meaning people cheat. One thing I learned from the married women I dated, was that they felt more comfortable telling me things than they did their soul mate husbands. Sometimes the walls, you mentioned, become so high that it becomes hard to tell the people you love what's really going on in your head. I knew these women loved their husbands more than they love me, but with me they could step out from behind their walls.
When I talk to men that keep mistresses or visit prostitutes, they usual say something along the lines that they need these women as stress reliefs. And the confidence that men put in prostitutes and mistresses is well known.
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To notKeith
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I believe the more general definition of a sociopath is someone who does not believe that the laws of society applies to him (or her). The most blatantly sociopathic concept is that the idea that corporation can have the same rights as a human being. Can you shame a corporation, can you throw a corporation in prison, can you even give a corporation counseling? The answer is no, because a corporation has no consciousness, has no conscience, can't express remorse, and can't even be addressed at sentient. Giving corporations power is the equivalent of handing the keys to humanity to a soulless entity which possesses concern for nothing (certainly not the general publics well good). If a corporation is an individual, then it is a sociopath completely incapable of being treated, and the Republican party is the party of corporation interest, which is to say that they fight for the rights of sociopaths.