Letters to the Editor
ololon
Published Letters: 78 Editor's Choice: 14
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Dignity matters
[Read the article: Should we euthanize the Yorkie?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've not read any other posts, as I don't want them to influence what I write here. This is a very personal subject for me, indeed is for anyone who has had to euthanize a pet. I, however, put down a beloved cat who was not in pain. This is why.
Sam was 17 years old, was suffering hyperthyroidism, and had begun to lose control of his sphincter. Tiny little spots of feces were appearing in the oddest places, and I was due to give birth to my daughter in a month's time. Honestly, I'd not noticed much of the sphincter-related problems (old cats = everyday accidents), but an old friend came to visit and noticed that Sam was looking frail, thin, and shaky in the legs.
My vet -- bless his heart every single day -- examined my cat, took one look at my belly, and said, "Have you considered putting him down?" I asked why, was he that sick, was he in pain? No, but he was on a downward slide and would only get worse, soon unable to walk. The vet pointed out that I could not deal with sphincter problems and a newborn at the same time; I also had another cat, a diabetic needing daily shots, not as sick but adding to the "burden". Still, I didn't know what to do or think. And then the vet said this:
"If you put him down now, he dies with dignity. He will never be robbed of his legs. He will never soil himself. He will never feel pain. He will move on peacefully, while he's still happy, and who wouldn't want that?"
It's been over three years, and yet I still weep when I think of Sam. Yes, I put him down. I held him in my arms right there and watched him go. And I still don't know if I did the right thing. But his dignity did matter, as did my ability to deal with his ill health. And I knew, from having put a cat through major surgery just to put her down anyway, that animals do not suffer through pain as humans do. The best thing we can do for them is make sure they do not suffer at all -- don't wait until there is pain, but preempt it.
An eleven year old Yorkie with incontinence problems and a constant whine may well be irritating you, LW, but he may very well be irritating himself. He may very well be uncomfortable, unhappy, and unable to let you know that he's very, very tired. So take him to a vet, get the lowdown on his health outlook, and if euthanasia seems more humane than rehoming, do it. Yeah, some think that rehoming is always the humane way, but... you think an old, blind, incontinent dog is going to be happier in a stranger's house?? Don't keep him alive to satisfy some odd sense of morality that really only applies to humans, who can manage pain and loss in a way animals cannot. Remember not just his heartbeat, but his pride and dignity. Then treat him with the respect a DOG deserves.
Best of luck to you in this difficult time.
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Conspiracy theories
[Read the article: How to explain my husband to my kids?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Anonymous Psychoanalyst got it spot on: you can speak to children about a parent's behaviour without it being a conspiracy of any kind.
My husband has ADD. Classic ADD. And there are times I need to explain his behaviour to our child, and when her need is greatest is usually when he is the least conducive to family conversation. I tell my husband afterwards, and he usually speaks to our child later, by himself, and makes sure to mention whatever I said and that I said it. No conspiracy.
And let's be fair -- I have my bad days without ADD. Who doesn't? We all act inappropriately in front of our children at one time or another. It's called "life". And my husband does for me as I do for him. Our child knows that a. certain behaviour is not OK, but b. it happens to everyone, and c. we talk about it to make it feel better, when we can and with whom we can, without fear of reprisal.
Even more importantly, neither of us automatically assume moderation is needed just because we feel hurt. What may bother me as a spouse does not necessarily bother my child. We take our cues from our child and deal with each other when she's not present.