Letters to the Editor
ololon
Published Letters: 77 Editor's Choice: 14
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Why so hostile?
[Read the article: My ex-con neighbor owes me money]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Let me begin by pointing out that I did not say the LW should turn the other cheek. Not even close.
Now I will address Anonymous' impersonal points, if only because his inability to read critically is interesting. That he is making it personal is just silly, so I won't address that at all.
First, LW was paid for his services the first time. No favour. None. As a mechanic trying to drum up business, charging less than the going rate is not a favor, it's a necessity. Again, no favour. LW may want to call it so, but that does not make it true.
Second, what is this about the LW allowing the son to get away with something? There was minor vandalism, which LW didn't report. LW never says he could or should have reported it, emphasizing the fact that this was MINOR. What he did say, however, is that he didn't like the fact that the father didn't ground the kid. Says nothing about monetary restitution, so I am assuming there was no actual damage. Just says he didn't like seeing the kid out after making his complaint. So what was the favour? LW had no power in this situation, so he had no favours to give out.
Third, I'd say refusal to pay in full constitutes a pretty big indication that the neighbor is not happy with the cost of repair. Allowing him to pay such a large sum off is not a favour, but the only way LW was going to get any money. What other choice did LW have? If LW ran a fully legitimate business, he'd have had options, but he probably doesn't. And we don't know how much is left, only that LW thinks it sizeable. Not a majority, but "sizeable". Big difference.
Fourth, and last, there was precisely one bully tactic -- a threat after being accosted. We don't know what LW did before the threat was uttered. We do know there has not been any physical violence whatsoever. Yelling at a girlfriend on the phone is unpleasant, but many do it who have never raised a hand to another human. Far as I can read, the neighbor has never done anything violent. Ever. So what past behaviour is it to which you refer? Is there more of this letter than I can see on my screen? Or are you simply assuming violence because the LW claims the man is an ex-con?
What the kid does with a BB gun -- if indeed he is running rampant, injuring the neighborhood fauna without a single person reporting it -- does not make the FATHER violent.
The LW made it very clear what bothers him -- the money. Not the threats. LW is thinking about running the guy out of his home, for goodness sake, and I'd call that a hell of a lot more pointedly malicious than the simple, throwaway threat to kick someone's ass. For money. My response was to do what Cary said because it was best for the LW's fledgling business, as that seemed to be his real concern -- money, his business, and being able to stay in his inexpensive location.
I'll leave this be. Sorry for being so judgmental to everyone for trashing the neighbor, but you guys just jumped all over him and I cannot see why. Again, Paris Hilton is an excon.
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I am sorry for your loss
[Read the article: After my husband died of cancer I found he'd been cheating]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What you must be going through, grieving for a spouse while trying to care for three young children, is more than the majority of posters (myself included) can truly comprehend. My condolences to you and your family.
How long was your husband fighting cancer? My first thought after reading your letter was: did this man have his fling as a response to his approaching end? Did he start it before diagnosis, perhaps, and only meet the cyber-fling when handed a death sentence? It wouldn't surprise me if I found out my husband went mad after finding out he had a fatal disease -- and my guy is as true as they come, but our lives (with child) are relatively staid, and his has always been so. I'd hate it, but I'm not sure I'd be surprised. Nor would it surprise me to find myself in the same position, reliving my wild youth in the face of impending death.
I guess what I'm trying to say is to try not to judge your husband too harshly for actions that may have been influenced by his prognosis. For many men, this is called a "mid-life crisis"; for your husband, death was not merely a spectre to fend off with toys. Death was there, right there, and a decent person could very well do silly things when the end is well and truly near.
Most importantly, don't judge yourself harshly -- there is no shame in speaking ill of the dead and still wanting them back. You did know him, and you knew him well, and he loved you and your children. He just may not have been able to face death with perfect grace.