Letters to the Editor
cim902
Published Letters: 73 Editor's Choice: 13
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Great answer, Cary.....
[Read the article: Why wouldn't a 16-year-old boy want to live on a houseboat?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Actually, one of the best I've seen here.....
And I think it's key that this young man was adopted when he was older. Where from? How many foster homes had he been in? Was he in an orphanage overseas? Do you know very much about his early life? Did he have to learn a new language/culture on top of everything else? Was he abused? He really has had a lot of change in a short time, and while as adults, a lot of us find this exciting, kids seem to find it more anxiety-provoking. As an adult, I found it kind of thrilling to change jobs or apartments, to get married and have children in a short amount of time, to move 6 times in 8 years. Now that we seem to be in a more stable job/house situation, I find myself getting restless. I can empathize, I think, with houseboat dad.
BUT.... when I was 16, my father became terminally ill, and my mother had to stay with him in the hospital for months, leaving me and my 13 siblings in the care of various friends and relatives. My younger brothers and sisters often saw this as an opportunity to ignore the rules our rather strict parents imposed on just about everything. I hated those rules, too, and I hated chores and everything else...but I spent that whole summer doing all I could to enforce those rules and keep that house spotless (a thankless job I pretty much failed at, btw.). I didn't think about it consciously--mostly I was just scared and sad, but as an adult, I can see that, in a stressful time, and at a stressful age, I really needed for everything to STAY THE SAME.
Like I said, this didn't last. I think Cary is right when he ties it to your son's age and experiences...chances are, when he's 19 or 20 or so, he'll think the houseboat is really cool. It's really a short time to wait, since times shoots by when you're an adult.Plus, you can take your time restoring it right, spend a little more money on it, or save some.
You have to consider, though, that maybe, through a combination of his own experiences, his own genes, and his own personality, your son might be "Mr Conventional" at heart. He might want a career in finance, or a factory job, or vote Republican or become a religious conservative. He might want to get married, have 3 kids and live in the same house his whoooooole life. This might not, btw, be some kind of rebellion against you, "Mr Unconventional." It might be just the way he is. I'm assuming you want to have a pleasant, loving relationship with him throughout your lives, and to do that, you are going to need to accept and love him for himself, and not just for any qualities he has that are identical to your own. I'm sure you've done this well as a father so far; this situation is just a more advanced exercise in "loving me for who I am." Someday, he'll be mature enough that he'll need to learn to do the same for you, but right now, he's the kid, you're the dad, and he's counting on you.