Letters to the Editor
cim902
Published Letters: 65 Editor's Choice: 13
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What he said.....
[Read the article: I'm a suburban husband in my 40s and I think I'm getting depressed]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary did a great job (go, Cary!) and since he is a guy, he probably understands the LW better than I, but I have to say, I do empathize some. I will be 41 in a couple of days, and smack in the middle (hopefully the middle, not the tail end) of life is a sobering place to be. It's where you realize that certain scenarios you envisioned for yourself are simply not going to happen. I am married with 3 little children--happy, financially ok, with a few bumps, ok health, the usual family dramas--everything in the world to be grateful for. But sometimes it dawns on me that I am not going to finish the master's degree, or publish in the Journal of American History. I am not going to be the museum researcher or archaeologist or academic editor I had been working towards. I am never going to live in a huge city, and I am probably never going to live on the ocean. I won't be able to have four children, and I won't be able to use up all those names I dreamed of as a teenager. I won't be a concert violinist. I may not learn 8 or 9 languages.I won't be famous. We won't restore an old Victorian or Colonial. There are people who are doing these things, but they are not me. I am doing things others won't get to do. When we are teenagers, or in our twenties, even the early thirties, our lives seem full of limitless possibilities. But now, at 40, this is the life I have chosen, and the responsibilities of family, aging parents, my husband's job...all of those mean that the possibilites are narrowing and will continue to do so as age takes it toll on us. That is why some people decide to chuck it all and follow whatever dream they once cherished, or have an affair with the old high school sweetheart, or whatever. They miss that sense of possibility and the excitement it brings. Not a good idea, I think, but I understand those people better now, because I miss it, too.
So it is midife, and that's ok, but that doesn't make it any less serious, because who wants to be miserable and anxious. Take Cary's advice, and hey, meds are ok and preferable to, say, a motorcycle (aka "donormobiles") or a mistress.
I would add one thing to Cary's advice, though. It might be valuable for you to find a cause outside your family to support--Habitat for Humanity, environmental things, community welfare organizations, CASA...because it always helps to help someone else. It gives you a sense of purpose beyond the "joe jobs" most of us have, and it can be exciting to see how much you have to offer. Oh, and I know this is Salon, but hey--maybe it's time (if you haven't already) to give religion (yeah, God) a look. It does help to realize that there is something bigger out there than ourselves, and that just being Jackson Browne's "Pretender" has a point as well.
Best Wishes
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Nah....
[Read the article: My ex wants our 14-year-old daughter to witness his new wife's childbirth]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If I had read this question 9 yrs ago, after I was with my sister when she delivered her first child, I would have said, yes! It's so beautiful! Let her do it! Then I had my own children. The first time did not go so well. The second time, a little worse. You'd think we'd learn, huh. The third time was horrible, and while my son and I survived, it was not a sure thing in either case. Childbirth is a beautiful event, but it is also an uncertain one. If this were my daughter, I would say no--she will have so many opportunities to see this baby, hold, talk to and play with him/her in a much better environment than L&D.
Best wishes,
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Ditto
[Read the article: Joan Blades on MomsRising]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thank you, Megan C!!!!
I don't wanna "watch" computer, either--besides, some of us have machines that can take forever to download a video.
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Hee hee hee...
[Read the article: Quote of the day: Obama on Clinton ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm a woman, and I thought it was funny (of course, I'm not planning to vote for Hilary). But I kinda liked the way Obama was able to get a dig in without being overtly hostile. Fwiw, Hilary's attacks are unappealing--and Bill's even more so. They've probably cost her quite a few primary votes. It seems that this primary season, people are drawn more to those candidates who keep the negative to a minimum (Obama, McCain) and not to those who have been more negative (Clinton, Romney, Edwards (to some extent)). We want to feel that there is something to look forward to out there, and mud-slinging doesn't provide that.
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Hey, you don't seem all that bad, really....
[Read the article: I'm acting like a monster so my friends are deserting me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]And honestly, I'm at a loss as to why your friends, who seem to have been your friends for awhile, and so must know how you process things, have deserted you--especially as you seem to be a very self-aware person who can explain himself to others when the moment passes. It makes me wonder just what this woman is telling them--not necessarily on purpose, mind you, but perhaps her perceptions of what happened are different.
Still, one day, someone will find all of that passion very attractive or, you will find a calmer partner who can absorb the drama and help you tone it down a notch (that's what happened for me).
Best wishes,