Excuse the foreign policy analogy, but diplomacy between the boyfriend and the father (who seems to be the real culprit here) should only happen after the LW asserts her right to make her own choices regardless of what her father thinks. By telling her family for a whole year that she is not dating this person is making the situation much worse, because she is submitting her will, desire and happiness to the medieval prejudices of her father. When she brings her boyfriend in to the [family] picture, it needs to be from a position of strength: “this is the person I have chosen to be with, once you get to know him as the wonderful individual he is, I hope you can set aside your ignorance and accept him” instead of “Daddy, please give me permission.” I think racism is only a façade. The real issue here is that the father is, understandably, having trouble relinquishing the power and authority that his father probably had in the old country – a power over his family that extends into the lives of his adult children. Break free and assert your autonomy before reconciling your differences – it will make it much easier to do so in the future.

Three issues I see: maturity, love, and immigration.

I apologize if this indicates any cultural insensitivity on my part, but jeez - this 40 year old man needs to cut off the umbilical cord, develop an honest relationship with his parents, and do what HE thinks is right. Isn't that the point of being an adult?

Love is only valuable if it's unconditional. It appears that his parent's love and approval rests on very strict and narrow conditions about who he chooses to marry. He needs to help his parents realize that their love is unconditional - by going through a period of conflict with them first.

Many generations of first and second generation immigrants have had to fight against, and eventually abandon the racist, backward attitudes of their parent's generation. This is America - people live with, work with, date and marry people from every imaginable racial, cultural and religious background in the world. That's something that makes this country great, and it's part of the whole package when you immigrate.

Dude needs to grow up, parents need to deal, or girl needs to move on!