Please, God, not another dumb white guy in the Oval Office. Please, please, please, please, please...

...when we have to bribe the Sunnis not to shoot at us. When life in the Green Zone--as described in this article--resembles a giant spaghetti western? When obtaining a doughnut in this supposed safe zone inspires such comic paranoia from our brave (and bloated) mercenaries? Is America nuts? Are we really this clueless? Where the hell is Stanley Kubrick when we need him?? (Oh, right, he's dead...)

Oh, and let's be sure to blame Obama when the application of sanity results in the defeat that was inevitable the day our tanks crossed the Kuwaiti border 5+ years ago. Let's blame the voice of reason, while the supreme imbecile, the Commander-in-Chimp, pardons all of his cronies involved in causing this disaster. Free Barrabbas and crucify Christ--that's the American way.

I wrote a couple of years ago praising Pat Smith on his writing skills and at his abilility to make non-pilots be a part of his world. This latest article is a prime example of what I was talking about. Bravo, Patrick, on what I found to be a scintillating, engaging article. I had no idea that professional pilots were put through such ongoing scrutiny! And your vivid description of the stakes involved and the nightmare scenarios involved--not to mention the arcane knowledge--really gave me an increased appreciation for those guys in the caps who sit up front. This was an all-around enjoyable article.

...but "Peggy Hill" Palin takes the cake. She like the living embodiment of one of those "if they mated" gags on Conan O'Brien--behold the evil love child of George Bush and Dick Cheney! (With a dash of Donald Rumsfeld thrown in.) Anti-science, vindictive, full of blood lust, and a troopergate criminal to boot--yeah, let's put this woman in charge of the country's nuclear codes.

I would love to have this level of skepticism and critical thinking applied to the Sarah Palin VP selection by Republicans like this. Surely there are some out there who wincing in shame at the nomination of this bag of pink cotton candy.

Consider the evidence:

1) She's hollow.

2) She is smeared in a layer of seedy fertilizer with the hope that her

true nature will be obscured.

3) She thrives after a few days, then slowly begins to die.

4) Like the "singing bass," she is beloved by rednecks.

5) Both see greenery two months a year.

6) Ronco sells the Chia Pet AND the mechanical parrot that endlessly

repeats whatever you say to it. (In Palin's case, McCain's talking

points.)

7) Chia pets resemble sheep. Both sheep and Sarah Palin are objects of

sexual attraction in the bible belt.

Garrison is right as usual. We need to be outraged by this Palin circus. Our economy is evaporating before our eyes and yet John McCain is offering nothing but red meat for the right. McNero is fiddling while Rome burns. But, hey, check out dem gams on Palin! She's spunky!

1. 6 percentage points

2. 353

3. 28

4. 7

Pick the winner in the following races:

5. Rep. Jack Murtha (D)

6. Elwyn Tinklenberg (D)

7. Jim Martin (D)

8. Sen. Norm Coleman (R)

9. Kay Hagan (D)

TIE-BREAKER:

What time (EST) will the presidential race be called? (For the purposes of the pool, we'll consider it called when any one of the three big cable networks or the Associated Press makes the announcement, whatever comes first.)

9:44pm

...is that correlation does not imply causation. All of you hyper-emotional, science-denying, hysterics-indulging morons need to learn how weigh evidence. I'm sorry your kid is autistic. Blame your inbred genes.

Cary,

1) Read those letters more carefully in the future (as "Steele The First" pointed out). Only a complete idiot would deduce that men are filling their condoms with hot sauce BEFORE use. What the hell were you thinking?

2) The barrier method of contraception only works if the barrier is not compromised. Rendering one's "boys" unusable after the fact doesn't sound like an unreasonable precaution given that we live in a world where a ditzy woman with six children recently felt compelled to add eight more to her brood in one fell swoop. Sperm are cheap; child support is not.

Dude, the vast majority of child support isn't even paid. Given that, why in the world would any woman try to impregnate herself to "cash in" on non-existent child support?

I love numbered lists...

1) Um, I'm not sure which state you call home, but in my home state of Illinois a man can have his wages garnished and lose professional licenses if child support is not paid. (And, if you're curious, yes, I pay child support for a wonderful boy who is flying to Chicago to spend a weekend with me--and at my expense, of course--in a few weeks.) The bottom line is that the potential costs of an unintended fatherhood are too great not to take reasonable precautions. (Personally, flushing the condom is more than enough precaution for me. But, hey, if another man prefers the Tabasco method, who am I to judge?)

2) Did the octuplet/uber-nut mother reference completely escape you? I'm sorry to say that there is a sizeable number of women of child-bearing age who are COMPLETELY FRIGGIN' LOCO. Admonishing men to "keep it in your pants" isn't realistic since--aside from the obvious reasons--craziness isn't always apparent in a partner, even after several months together. (Do I really have to date myself by pointing to "Fatal Attraction" as an example?)

3) Whether a guy practices the flushing method or the Tabasco method (or some other presumably overreactive method entirely), shouldn't being careful about birth control be celebrated as opposed to being mocked or second-guessed for some hidden character defect? This guy was (in a weird but probably effective way) trying to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Hello! Isn't that a good thing?