Letters to the Editor
Heron23
Published Letters: 55 Editor's Choice: 2
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audience feedback
[Read the article: Writing is in my blood, but how do I know if I'm any good?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, I like Amerigo's idea. Why not post something short you've written that's not about writing here, and let us have at it? I see glimmers of promise in your letter to Cary. You vary your sentence structure well, and your prose isn't overwrought.
The best feedback I've received about my writing has come from non-writers: roommates, boyfriends, etc. Their questions and criticism are more likely to help me figure out what isn't working.
Oh, and reading aloud at open mics, if you can stomach it, will provide you with instant feedback. If you can make people laugh, that's a good sign.
If you want to get published, though, it behooves you to get to know some other published writers, or at least others who really want to be published writers--and I'm not talking about vanity publishing or those awful collections of poetry by people who are gullible enough to buy the book in order to have their poems published. Learning how to find other writers who can mentor you is a valuable undertaking.
If you've already found The Writer's Market, pay close attention to the publishers' guidelines. I worked as an editorial assistant at a publishing firm for a few months, and I was suprised by how many authors sent unsolicited manuscripts that in no way fit our parameters.
Your topic matters, too. If all you're writing about is your creativity, recognize that's not going to interest other people. What makes you unique? What really interests you? What do you know about that interests other people? One of my writing teachers in college told me, "Stop writing about writing, and start writing about what spurred you to write in the first place." That still sounds like good advice.
Getting more life experience under your belt, via working "regular" jobs or traveling, would give you more grist for the mill. Don't go directly to grad school in an attempt to stave off your time in the real world; you'll probably regret it.
If you're talented, determined, and very lucky, you could be a well-regarded published author someday. There's no shame, though, in deciding that you're going to write for an audience of one, and make a living some other way. I wish you all the best.
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babies
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I am not just a problem-solver but a functionary with my own private aesthetic necessities to attend to.
Oh, how I wish Cary would get a grip and realize that sometimes, he should delete the navel-gazing bits before he posts his answer! This was one of those times.
I wish I knew what to say to the LW.
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babies, continued
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I can't imagine having five kids. Cary can't, either--which is probably one of the reasons why he replied like he did.
I don't think browbeating the LW for having that many kids is going to accomplish anything, though. It may make you feel superior, but the fact of the matter is, the kids are already there. Telling her she should have thought about the possible consequences of having them is like trying to close the barn door after the horses have left.
Another thing I wonder: If I had this many kids, and their father treated me like the LW's husband is treating her, I'm not sure I'd want to give him the opportunity to raise any of them. They might pick up his callousness and selfishness. If the LW has a support network strong enough to help her manage a household by herself, she should try to get prepared to do so. Maybe that's my childless naivete talking, and if so, I apologize.
At what age did the husband's father die? If he's getting to the age at which his father passed away, that could be a reason for why the stuff is suddenly hitting the fan now. If the husband's brain is just out of whack, counseling and drugs might help him come to his senses--but he can't be browbeaten into either. He's acting like a baby, but the system will treat him like a man.
The LW should try to get her husband to a doctor to find out if he's dealing with a chemical imbalance or other short-term problem, but if he's cheating on her and/or has been disguising his a**holery for years and years, she'd be better off just letting him go. Of course, a lot depends on the LW's resources. I hope she's got friends and family who'll help her sort out this mess. It takes more than money to raise that many children.
I hesitate to quote Ann Landers, but it seems like the question "Are you better off with him, or without him?" is apropos. I wish the LW all the best no matter how she answers this. Speaking for myself, I wonder why she wrote to Cary instead of someone who wouldn't wax poetic about his own feelings. She does write clearheadedly about her situation, though, and I'll bet she'll land on her feet--even though it hurts like hell now.
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Tina, Rodian: Enough!
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You're not going to convince each other of the validity of your respective positions, and the name-calling is juvenile. Stop baiting each other, please.
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@Georgetown, and others who've given it to Cary straight
[Read the article: I'm really a self-actualized being, but my family is all messed up]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Bravo! Would you please resubmit your letters to Cary in email form? I believe he avoids the Letters section nowadays, unless someone points out something here he needs to read.
If Cary wants to manipulate his readers and try out new ways of writing, he should quit his advice-writing gig, and devote himself to his fiction. I'd rather not be part of his process of self-actualization.
I have to admit, though, I'd miss reading the LWs' letters, and fellow readers' responses to them. From now on, I'm viewing Cary as the conduit for these writers, and nothing more.
As for today's LW: I think you protest too much about being happy. What's roiling under the surface of your massive ego?