Letters to the Editor
Heron23
Published Letters: 55 Editor's Choice: 2
-
Take it one step at a time, but begin planning now.
[Read the article: I want a baby so badly it scares me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The urge to drop everything and procreate is powerful, eh? When I was in my late 20s, I suddenly found myself smiling at strangers' infants,and little kids, and, like Cary Tennis (if memory serves), I've never envisioned myself as a parent.
Bertrand Russell wrote something like this in one of his books (sorry for the paraphrase, couldn't find the original quote): People want to make a mark on the world, and for most, that means having children.
There's nothing intrinsically wrong with that. I would urge you, though, to be as smart as you can about how you do this. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. Even if you plan well, and are lucky enough to have a healthy, well-adjusted kid, you're going to do some things wrong. The trick, as I see it, is to be mindful enough of who you are and what you want that you'll make mistakes you can later live with.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Are you happy with yourself and your life on your own terms?
Do you believe you have the emotional and financial stability to be a good parent?
Do you genuinely want a house, a husband, and a baby? Or do you think they're what you're supposed to want at this stage of your life?
Could you be a capable single parent if you got married, had a kid, and then lost your spouse?
What are your current boyfriend's priorities? Do they match yours?
You don't have to do everything RIGHT NOW, but you are at a great age to start figuring out what your dreams are, and how you want to accomplish them. Good luck to you.
-
More than just a "baby daddy"
[Read the article: I want a baby so badly it scares me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My mom married a man who's a wonderful father: patient, kind, steady, stable, etc. I love him so much, it makes her jealous. My folks make each other miserable, though, because they're not a good match for each other. LW, if you want to have both a husband and a child, make sure you marry someone you want for yourself, as well as any future children. He should feel the same way, too.
-
for growlygirl
[Read the article: I want a baby so badly it scares me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Growlygirl, if you don't want kids, don't have 'em. You'll get a lot of lectures from people who have kids about how life isn't worthwhile unless you have kids, but that's how THEY view life. It has nothing to do with you.
No matter what a woman does regarding having children (gets pregnant as a teen and gives the baby up for adoption/decides to have a baby without a man around/gets married at 40 and does artificial insemination/marries her high school sweetheart and has six kids/stays single and has six cats and is happy about it), she's gonna catch shit from other people about it.
Now, if you want kids, but you're scared you'll turn out to be a mother who ceases to be her own person after the first baby's born, well, that's something to be hashed out with a counselor.
Otherwise, do what's right for you, and don't apologize for it.
-
Say you met on a blind date!
[Read the article: I'm embarrassed to admit I met my guy online]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If you're embarrassed to admit you met him online, tell people you met on a blind date. It's true enough, isn't it? You hadn't set eyes on each other till you met in person. If someone goes on to ask, "Who set you up?" you can say (with a sly grin) "We did!" Depending on their reaction, you can then either spill the beans, or leave 'em to wonder.
-
Is educational ambition an inherited trait?
[Read the article: I'm a med student, but my boyfriend has just a high school education]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]She should ask herself if she would be OK if she had children with this guy and her children decided to skip college due to their Dad's example and lack of interest in education.
My father didn't make it through college, but I never felt like I could use him as an excuse for not continuing my education. In fact, he made it clear he very much wanted me to go further than he did.
If the LW and her boyfriend are able to accomodate each other and have a family--and I'm not saying this will or should happen--I suspect he'll be cheering on their children's academic pursuits. The idea that the kids would automatically inherit his supposed lack of educational ambition is simplistic.
-
Do you want to write, or do you want to have written, and been published?
[Read the article: How can I get a writing job?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, it seems to me that if your goal is to write, you would've found ways to do so by now. If what you really want is to be published, though, you should take a look at your motives. Do you want the satisfaction that comes from having produced good writing, or do you long to see your words in print? Do you think getting published will make you feel better about yourself? Do you want the outside validation? Figure out what you really want, and go from there. If you want to see your words in print, writing a blog or even letters to the editor may help you scratch that itch. You don't need to have a career as a writer to satisfy the urge to be published.
-
"An epiphany started to produce an amazing clarity of mind."
[Read the article: How can I get a writing job?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The passive tense is not a hallmark of good writing. Rewrite (but please don't repost).
-
@mturner
[Read the article: How can I get a writing job?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]May I ask how you found out about your present job? It sounds like it'd be right up my alley. Thank you.
-
@curse10
[Read the article: I quit being a musician because I couldn't play without drinking]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Check this out:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89408904
It's about a pianist who learned how to make music despite not being able to use one of his hands, and his daughter, who is a physical therapist for musicians. I wonder if someone like the daughter could help you. Even if you can't play again, I hope you'll find a better outlet for your anger.
To Cary, and all of the people who have responded to this letter with empathy and good advice: Bravo, and thank you. This was one of the best SYAs ever.