Letters to the Editor
cahcap
Published Letters: 29 Editor's Choice: 5
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Sorrow, yes; blame, no
[Read the article: Mom's a pothead]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Hi
Alanon, for you and your friend's son (or TeenAnon for him).
NarcAnon for your friend.
Overcoming long-term addiction is difficult, really very difficult. You need information, perspective, and boundaries.
Pay attention to what you can control and acknowledge what you cannot, without further recrimination. Sorrow, yes; blame, no. It will help the son if your boundaries are clear, you stay calm, and help him undertand addiction cognitively, since he already too much experience of the emotional side.
Good luck to you, your friend, and her family.
cahcap
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birds saved me
[Read the article: Is atheism dead?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I lost faith in the religion of my childhood when I was 20; but I kept looking at the world around me, and was puzzled.
It boiled down to this: order or chaos. Was the world operating according to some kind of order or was everything random.
Clearly, there is order. Even a bird proved this to me, a little precisely feathered bundle with a precisely tuned song, adorning our world. Microscopes and space further convinced me:
order exists.
So then why is there order?
This is what created in me the will-to-believe. If there was order, I would rather posit the presence of benevolence than the presence of mechanism. I wanted transcendence.
But, I could not accept the notion of a creator who caused everything. Buddhism worked as a solution: there is not a creator-God, and there is a reality that fully transcends this one, with universal benevolent awareness, which can help us but does not bring things into creation in a deterministic way. The option of co-creation found in the liberal pratice of Seventh Day Adventists is alos pretty interesting.
Since we cannot prove things in this realm, one way or another, then choose whatever belief system makes you a good, happy, peaceful, productive human being, and jump in with an open heart.
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the knee-jerk syndrome of small minds and closed hearts
[Read the article: Amma's cosmic squeeze]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Can someone help me understand?
How is it that people who do not share another's perceptions feel entitled to be supercilious, arrogant, derisive and
insulting, as if that establishes their superior intelligence
and clarity of sight, especially when discussing fatih and emotions.
Personally, I'd be far more interested in sharing time with a person who considers the value of a woman who has spent her life helping others, the least fortunate of our world, than
in spending time with someone who can only come up with sarcasm and insults. They need what she has.
I do wish the article had focused more on the results of her fund-raising: the care for lepers, the houses constructed after earthquakes, the hospitals, the dowries for the impoverished, etc. If people knew what this woman with no education from the lowest of the poor of India has done, perhaps they could enjoy a moment of humility.
Sorry for the grumpy note in my voice; it is frustrating to see how the knee-jerk responses of bias short-circuit the ability to recognize genuine goodness.
cahcap
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dear non-coughing lw
[Read the article: There's a cougher in the office and it's driving me mad!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Change jobs.
I hope you find an office where everyone is problem-free.
Oh, you can't give up your job? Well, then you must learn to live with other people who cannot give up their jobs either, even if they annoy you.
I hope you take some of these suggestions, like earphones and headphones, to heart. You could also get one of those little personal stress-relief monitors, based on bio-feedback, and
learn to reduce your stress by using it each time your co-worker coughs. That way, you'll end up getting something valuable out of the situation.
I am sorry you are so sensitive to this stimulus, really.
You are taking a lot of heat, when in truth, most people have something like this--gum-chewing drives them nuts, or people who jangle change in their pockets, or people who chew with their mouths open, etc. What an annoying list! But the problem is, that since you cannot change them, you have to work on yourself to gain relief, and I sincerely wish you good luck.
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to find peace in this situation
[Read the article: I feed the poor but eat with the rich]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Briefly:
Do your best.
Follow your heart and your sense of what is right.
Don't judge others who differ from you.
Consider, if the disparity really bothers you, beginning a fund drive to raise money for better ingredients or
upscale additions to the menu.
Thank you for your help and for your thoughtfulness.
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caught in-between
[Read the article: I don't want to be a doctor!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
I know a lot of people in your postion, who neither want to disappoint their parents, who come from another culture, nor
want to surrender their own preferences in service of their parents wishes.
When your parents see your distress at failing classes in the pre-med curriculum, what is their reaction? Do you let thme see your distress, or do you politely cover it up?
May I suggest 2 possible approaches?
Maybe turning the power back to them would be helpful. Go to them with your sheaf of poor grades and apologize with sincere distress that you cannot fulfill their wishes--that your mind simply is not the type that is best-suited for this, and it is causing you terrible sorrow to continue to fail.
Ask them for help in charting a new course. Include a number of possibilites that might not be your favorites, but you could imagine as a stepping-stone towards a happy resolution.
For example, what you take in under-grad could be nuanced by what you take in grad, after they have had a chance to get used to the change in directions.
The second approach would be to consider a career in psychology or clinical social work; clinical social workers work in hospitals, right? and so do psychologists. Affinity for English is a great signal, as it is so essential in developing communication skills, sensitivity, nuance and the comprehension of motivations and patterns dfferent from your own. Your parents might like the idea of my child, the psychologist.
I respect your honoring of your parents and wish you good luck.