Letters to the Editor
melthough
Published Letters: 1343 Editor's Choice: 103
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Aphorisms won't help
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What you need to do is stop resisting the aging process. You need to take off your clothes in front of the mirror and look at every sign that you are getting older and accept each one. Do it in painful detail, wrinkle by wrinkle. Anyone who thinks you're superficial for feeling the pain of aging is an imbecile. You obviously don't WANT this to be a concern, but it is anyway. A part of you is dying. Maybe you say that as a mantra as you scrutinize your body: "A part of me is dying." Notice the things that are changing and how you feel about each one. As you say goodbye to that part of yourself, give yourself space to grieve. Then I think you will be able to let the grief go.
I am not usually a fan of self-help type methodology, but things like this really work. If you want to move on, you must process the reality of what is happening first. Half-assed denial will kill you if you let it.
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The trouble with parenting advice
[Read the article: The science of good parenting]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You can make general scientific conclusions about what has worked, but applying it to individual parents and children is impossible. For example, praise is supposed to be great for kids, but I do it very badly. It sounds fake. My kids see praise of their behavior as an attempt to control them (which, if you read the parenting books, is EXACTLY what it is!). When they were two, they would do something nice - say, try to clean up their own spilled milk - and I would dutifully say, "Wow, thanks for doing that; it was so helpful!" and when they heard that tone of voice their impulse would be to pour more milk on the floor in defiance. So I've been seasoning the parenting advice with a grain of salt for some time now.
My overall advice for other parents would be not to micromanage every breath your kids take. I watched the little video on that website about praise, and they were talking about a little girl who makes the same flower over and over because she is praised for it. I tried to be that kind of mother for a while, and it didn't work for me OR my kids. They need space for their projects, and I need space for mine, and that's the way we both like it. I let my kids fiddle around with the art stuff pretty much however they please. When they're proud of what they've done and come to ask for praise, I try to find something specific to say about what I think is cool about it.
I also just want to mention that time out is NOT incompatible with attachment parenting. Attachment parenting is, in part, about setting clear limits so your children will trust your authority. It is not about giving up your authority; that scares the hell out of children and makes them act insane. I do know people who think time out is some kind of child abuse, but their children are either naturally very mild-mannered and don't require much discipline (not mine!) or are little tyrants with no sense of boundaries or limits. Non-parenting is not the same as attachment parenting.
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@Nulla Sallus
[Read the article: The science of good parenting]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Does your screenname mean to imply that you are doomed? Or that we are all doomed? Or that only you are saved because you have the Church behind (ahem) you?
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@SB
[Read the article: Pro-life doesn't mean unsexy]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You are very good at picking out one sentence and ignoring the rest of an argument. That's quite a skill!
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@LeStat
[Read the article: The science of good parenting]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Really? How interesting, are they insane?"
Well, perhaps, in their own (mostly harmless) way. Personally, if time out had not been invented before I gave birth, I probably would have beaten my children silly. As it is, I've never laid a hand on them except to put them in the time out chair. Some people see time out as a message to children that your love is conditional, and is withdrawn when they make bad choices. I suppose some children get messages like that after three minutes in the time out chair, but I have a nasty temper and I'd much rather they see me glowering at them occasionally than coming at them with a wooden spoon like my mother did me. I guess we all make our choices. Many mellow people have equally mellow children, and can practice discipline that involves little or no coercion. That's not my family, but I'm glad if it works for them!
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"a whole list of gigantic ways in which health disparities overwhelmingly FAVOR WOMEN"
[Read the article: Is there sexism in lifesaving?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'd appreciate seeing that list, but only if it really involves the empirical evidence you claim to find so important. My gut feeling is that women are indeed healthier than men. That does not necessarily mean that they get better medical treatment, but women I know are generally more attuned and attentive to their physical needs than the men I know are. I don't know why that should be the case, but it has little to do with how men and women are treated by the medical system.
And, personally, I feel that being an object of the medical-industrial complex's concern is not necessarily a favor. When you're in the ICU, that's one thing, but women have tended more than men to be targeted for "medical care" in response to normal bodily functions.
Anyway, I'm interested in your list if you really have one. But, BTW, I don't think you need to insult the writer in order to make your point.