... and it can be applied to most social justice scenarios:

those who claim injustice are generally correct ... some more overtly correct than others ... and ... there are often no discreet/specific instances of conspiracy towards this injustice (there are some exceptions, of course). i believe that /sometimes/ this injustice is simply the culmination of people not paying attention, or not particularly caring about the issue (ie, the stereotypical "white man" not attending to issues of gender and race because it doesn't "affect" him in ways that those of those groups are affected). he may rally hard to change insuance coverage because he has a sick child, or be barely able to make ends meet so he may be an activist around unionization. people want to change thnigs that affect their well-being ... and some amazing people can feel pain more universally and advocate as such.

so, my point is this: all of us have our hot buttons and our charged issues ... often born out of not feeling understood around some pain we have. that's just human. sometimes ideas of "right" and "wrong" tend to be held with tight-fisted certainty (see bush admin for thousands of examples) ... they /can/ be delivered to an audience in a way that subverts (what one would assume) is the goal of the injustice-changers: to change people's minds, or awaken them to injustice. villifying brightstar with antagonistic words doesn't change his mind ... it will simply crystalize and "prove" his point, and it turns off people whose minds might be changed with more embracing language. my experience with many activist-types is that they might benefit from some deep personal work around reactivity & acceptance ... which is something most humans would benefit from (including me). this doesn't condone idiocy, if it is there. it's more about seeing the big picture, and not getting wrapped up in a drama that someone (perhaps like brightstar) is (possibly) using to sidetrack the issue. reactivity breeds reactivity, and then it becomes impossible for two parties to actually hear each other. the root of it all is fear. so, i advise all of us to examine what prompts fear in us, and to do the personal work to transcend it. doing so will make your cause more effective.

my $0.02.

i hope she finds happiness. she certainly has suffered enough.

abounds

good post, good info.

what are your thoughts about more or less private web-based e-mail systems?

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2007/12/13/nh_blog_unmasks_a_campaign_in.html

... but it would be so much better if those who produce it understood that what's /really/ sexy about it is when two (or more, i guess) people are actually, legitimately enjoying themselves. and that enjoyment is grounded, safe, and conscious. i have yet to find good porn that has this ... and appeals to my male sense of "what's attractive." seems that those drawn to porn production(predominantly men, it seems) are playing out completely stupid and often misogynist scenarios. "rough sex" isn't always this ... i have seen (what looks like) empowered men and women playing with a certain energy. but ... what isn't sexy is when women are depicted out of their power.

hopefully you'll get answers.

i'm a straight guy ... and i think most of the conflict around porn (in hetero relationships ... all that i've been in) crops up when porn becomes the "other lover." i actually feel sad for both individuals in this mix ... (assuming certain gender roles, which may not apply in all circumstances) ... but the man seeking sexual zest & excitement doesn't know how to communicate this desire with his partner, or subverts it and goes underground for fear of her rejection ... and the woman reacting from fear and betrayal that this expression of sexuality. both parties, i think, deserve sympathy ... and both have valid beefs with each other. maybe this is what "destroys families" in the eyes of the BYU folks. i think it's too bad that "family values" really means "keeping things under wraps as they always were."

on another note, i am pleasantly suprised by the lack of porn-hating commentary here.

sounds like you are part of a very cool household. glad to hear it.

:)