When I saw "Punkin' Butt" in the title, I was all set for a too-cute smirky strip, but this was well done. I smiled.

Between the description of cute penguin sex and the imagery of a typical American Legion Hall, you have given me quite a laugh the last few days. For god’s sake, a cloaca? You’ve got to be kidding me. Where the hell do you come up with the material?

The Legion Hall you described sounds just like the one down the street, except for the red headed bartender. I have only been there four or five times and always feel like taking a shower afterwards.

I had to laugh at prytania’s description of bepobs poetry as “sub-Joycean affectations” with the subsequent swipe at GoodCelery. He also hit the mark about cranky veterans, it fits sometimes. But even when you’re cranky you’re great. What I like about Salon is the commentary. Please keep it coming.

H. L. Mencken once responded to a question asked by many of his readers: "If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United States, then why do you live here?" His answer was, "Why do men go to zoos?"

Pyrrho, it's OK. I do make a pilgrimage to the local V.F.W. once a year or so just to remind myself why I don't belong there, or at the American Legion especially.

See, I still take care of myself and nobody would mistake me for a geezer just yet. But I do like to hold my nose and pass through the door with the buzzer lock and enter the dank chamber of the stale beer and cigarette smelly caves known as the VFW bars.

They are all the same from coast to coast. It's dark. It smells like Sani-bowl and popcorn. There's an old redhead bartender watching the TV which is always tuned to re-runs of the Beverly Hillbillies. Old broken down crapheads perch on barstools like crows, sucking on cigs and dumping salt in their flat beer to put a head on it. Their eyes are used to the dark. They like it dark. The only light in the room except for the TV is the big Bud Light sign with the dancing American flag.

The bartender doesn't want to talk. She's afraid they'll start telling their war stories again. They don't want to talk either. Then they'd have to listen to each others war stories again.

They'll talk politics though. For sure. They'll all vote for John McCain. They all voted for Bush. They would vote for John Wayne by God. He was a real Merkin Heee Row. But since he's dead, they'd vote for John Wayne Gacey, or Richard Speck, or even Rudy Giuliani, as long as they are running as Republicans.

I like to go into the VFW bar once a year. I like to go to the zoo once a year too.

Hey BEEEEE Bop! See you over at Tom Tomorrow's joint. We'll talk about setting the head space gap on that .50 with your P-38 and other tricks of the trade you got no use for out on the goat farm.

G.O. may be @ a Amish & Penguin Goat Dating Service Convention.

Sometime Private First **ass Owen attends the Gulp 6-Buds & Burp 7-Up Club.

He attends a Holy Roller Over Massage Class on Sundays. It's a hobby of his to relive war flashbacks. He dreams Opus is momma-laundry-washtub-wild-babe, and Opus will help him fill the sandbags in the kitchen and help make some Pumpkin' Butt Pies for snacks.

G.O. likes to start fires. G.O. smokes Pall Mall and Lucky Strike tobacco with Smokey the Bear. He attends the local Bingo parlour party at the American Legion Hall. Owen's sewing and knitting fan-club hangs out there. Owen gets fanned there with homemade paper machete colorful fans.

He may be in a shack in the woods, dump-clinic.

G.O.'s pals give Owen free mental health therapy.

Gary Owen clips the trolls (or whatever they are?),

toe-nails and Gary Owen spit-shine polishes them red.

Why? Because critics need reminding to Not bite them.

Why do they chew toe-nails? Why do they eat them toe-nails

in public at the Salon web site? Ask them. They will explain.

one of the best things I've read in a while.

and, for you anonymous clinton-loving posters out there, GO OBAMA!!

ha.

sounds awful, but I imagine penguins are horrified by our anatomy.

I think "sewer" is a bit misleading.. cluere ultimately means to cleanse by washing. Cataclysm comes from the same word.. probably a good idea, in any event, to give opus plenty of space once he rolls over.

BTW, off-topic comments and rage-spewing drivel are fun, or haven't you noticed?

Maybe it was the American Legion instead. I can't remember which organization GO is a member of. Perhaps it's both. GO can straighten us out on which one it is. I think I know the answer already.

GO is probably at his VFW meeting right now. How dare you malign he and his friends. They're probably throwing empty beer cans at Opus' image and cursing penguins in general.

Too funny, I will duck when he responds.

Maybe Salon should start running "Crankshaft". For God's sake, it's just not that hard to set up a TV. Every week it seems like there is another Opus about how ailenating technology is.

I assume it's shit.

"Haven't you noticed that the Opus letters page has turned into the local VFW on just about any Saturday night, full of cranky veterans who hanker for the old days when their dicks were hard, their bowels were functional, and penguins knew their place?"

Pyrtania you just made my afternoon!

http://www.gdargaud.net/Antarctica/Penguins.html

Two emperor penguins "fucking"

http://www.gdargaud.net/Antarctica/Life/EmperorMating.gif

One human apparently "fucking" one emperor penguin

http://www.gdargaud.net/Antarctica/Life/EmperorCapture.jpg

(These pics may not be safe for work.)

(Note, some birds do have a penis, some chicks have a penis too.)