Thanks for spreading the gospel, Keef! I thought I was the only one who swore by that technique.

"Never sleep with anyone who has more problems then you do." Didn't understand that until my first crazy girlfriend who thew my new Rickenbacker bass out of a third story window then tried to commit suicide by eating a bottle of aspirin. I do wish I had listened to him.

Keef's son is lucky to have a father who will tell him these things. Our generation had to learn this truth through hard and painful experience.

1. Zombies do not run. Zombies are slow. Those creatures in "28 Days Later" weren't zombies, they were infected people. Worship at the altar of "Dawn of the Dead" (the original, dammit!)

2. Don't worry about getting laid while you're a teenager. Work on building a muscular body and a talent or two, and when you reach 20, you'll start getting all that sex you fantasized about when you were 13 and pimply and had the social skills of a horned toad.

Don't strip in a food club.

I believe that rule used to be quoted as one of the three rules for a long and happy life. The other two were "Never eat anything bigger than your own head" and "Never buy a product of the Chrysler Corporation". That last one seems to be taking care of itself these days.

My own advice to my son includes "Don't date redheads".

re: no food in strip clubs

Have you been to the Acropolis in Portland? The owner is a cattle rancher who serves up his own homegrown steaks. Just don't sit at the rack while you eat. At any strip club. Ever.

re: no redheads

This is probably good advice. If you're afraid of redheads, you can't handle one.

What? No Biggie? No Wu-Tang?

I guess us whippersnappers have got a lot to learn.

Re: The Star Wars thing ...

HAN SHOT FIRST, DAMMIT!!

The most important one EVERY young boy must know:

Never become friends with a girl whom you find attractive. Ever.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

Cheers,

Lonewolfy

Survivor of many Platonic Nightmares

While I'm not inclined to break this rule, I am curious as to Keef's explanation why this rule exists.

"Learn to cook, and sew your own clothes - you will never find a woman who will do that for you."

I turn 48 next month - damn if he wasn't right.

~