German golden rule: If you know the rules and follow the rules, everything will alright.

As an ex-pat New-yorker living in Germany for the past five years, I can testify that this mentality works wonders on the Autobahns. Driving in the US is pure chaos in comparison -the east coast at least, my brother says that out west people know how to drive.

This feature of German culture, the love of rules, is not without its drawbacks. What works on the Autobahn (everyone following the same rules) does not translate well to other arenas. The rules are set in stone, questioning the rules gets you nowhere, even when it is obvious that the rules were ill-conceived or outdated. Political change is glacial in speed. The reason that the Germans have not yet applied smoking bans in public areas is simply that they are very slow in adopting changes (although in the 30s the german government was more enthusiastic about changes,hmmm, maybe there is some wisdom in being less radical).

The bathrooms: yeah, they look nice but are sometimes ineffective. The toilets flush with less water so you have to manually scrub and re-flush every time. yech!

Languages: OK, so I speak many languages. So what? Why should a Mid-westerner learn French or German? it is not as if their next-door neighbours do. The language thing is over-rated. in Europe you learn language because you have to, but frankly it is easier if there is a lingua franca used for international communication, like English for example.

Sunday shopping? The gas stations and corner shops offer milk, eggs, bread, newspapers, etc. And you can drive to the shopping malls in the Netherlands if you need to buy some clothes on Sunday. The rules about the shops closing at 6:00PM have been relaxed, but only recently. It made sense when the wives stayed at home, but it was murder on DINKs.

And what about the popularity of Homeopathy and Astrology?

I could spend all day on this, but I have to rush out to get to work, gotta follow the rules...

I loved the German bahns. Well deigned and managed highway system. Probably the best in the world.

My only gripe about them is the paint they use to mark the road just disappears when it’s raining at night. No shit the lines lose all their reflective properties if it’s raining.

It's a minor gripe but dose it not annoy that local convenience stores in Germany keep all pop on the shelves to get warm?

Yes I know, beer is warm, why not soda?

Well it just got on my nerves.

It is a beautiful country, but they have no concept on how exotic delicacies (like Coca-Cola) are meant to be prepared.

On the upside, they serve Beer at McDonalds, and still serve the legendary Deep Fried Apple Pie, long since banished from American stores by the Food Police.

I'm not talking about the American fascination for lite beer (ugghhh!!! but as someone I know once said, life's too short for lite beer). Nor am I talking about any of the swill that our mega-breweries produce, but, as even the party stores in my neighborhood acknowledge, there's been a huge explosion in microbreweries here. Bell's (I'm from Michigan), Red Hook, Brooklyn Brewing Company.... all of them produce an incredible array of tasty porters, ales, stouts, and seasonals (mmmmmm, Oberon). Germany, on the other hand, has very strict laws about what can and can't be put into a beer, leaving the vast bulk of them to taste like what Budweiser wishes it could taste like.

Overall, though, as Michael Jackson says (no, not THAT Michael Jackson, but beer and scotch drinkers will know who I mean), the American brewing business is the most creative and energetic scene for beer in the world.

Lets not forget that the Germans are very hospitable.

In fact they have been known to invite families who

they never met to come in and take a shower.

"Also, can we please stop our slide to Talibanesque prudishness and please lay off the smokers and their ability to exercise choice, please? I don't choose to smoke, but my girlfriend does..."

I agree with everything else in your excellent letter, Marco, but here I have to part company with you. Second-hand smoke is a major health issue, it's not just a matter of individual freedom. I hate being poisoned by the stuff, and there are long-term consequences (my cousin died of lung cancer, by the way, despite the fact she was a non-smoker; her husband, who survided her, had a two-pack-a-day habit). It's not even all about cancer...asthma is a relevant issue as well. And it ties in with all this talk of Germany. Up until recently in Berlin, it was impossible to have a social life here without being a passive smoker with lungs that looked like the Marlboro Man's...the first time I walked in a night club, it was like being tear-gassed! Having brunch meant hacking over your scrambled eggs and sending your brunch shirt to the dry-cleaners!

Reeling from severe advertizing restrictions stateside, the tobacco giants had a field day over here, in this part of Europe, in the early 90s. I've seen many 13 year olds smoking openly in public...I even saw a mother-daughter smoking team once, and the daughter couldn't have been 20. There is less smoke around these days than there used to be, but, still, way too much. It's a life-threatening toxin, Marco, not just a lifestyle choice.

Make that 'deathstyle'...

I spent the summer living in Strasbourg, France, Scheibenhard, France, and Frankfurt, Germany, all the while working near Frankfurt (my wife is fluent in French, and I like trains and the autobahn, hence the arrangement).

Driving: Two observations: Audi station wagons seem to be the preferred vehicle of choice for 200+ kph driving (sure, lots of BMWs, Mercedes, even some Italian exotics, but mostly Audis!).

And on the one hand, it seemed like you were expected to get the hell out of the left lane if someone was zooming up behind you (makes sense), but people also seemed free to veer into the left lane to pass a car regardless of whether someone was coming up from behind on the left (doesn't make sense- fricking scary). I saw that *all the time*. No collisions though- good reflexes and brakes.

Shopping: We had the exact same experiences with the bags and Sundays (France, too). On the one hand it's really nice that most everyone really gets a day off and chills out, but on the other, you better plan ahead, especially if Mr. Toddler needs his milk! It makes Saturdays a little more hectic.

Language: On the German side of Scheibenhard (called Scheibenhardt; the border runs through town), no one spoke French. They don't teach it in the schools there. The kids learn mostly English. This pisses off the French, who do speak some German (and Alsatian, which is Germanic, although it is fading away). But in general most Europeans kick Americans' ass in the multilingual department. I find the Benelux folks, who have to deal with France, Germany, and the UK, tend to be the most consistently tri- (or more) lingual.

Energy: Tons of windmills. And for the most part I think they enhance the beauty of the landscape. I didn't see any solar, but I know their is a lot of govt funding for it. And they tend to use energy quite efficiently, in ways that reduce waste, not utility so much. If the US could implement some simple things (like the card-holder in hotel rooms that also serves as a master switch), we'd save a lot of energy. 10-20% in residential and commerical settings without settings. The main impediments here are culture and inertia, but I digress.

Bathrooms: Mixed bag.

Beer: GOOD.

Smoking: BAD. Sometimes I could only get a seat on the smoking car on the ICE; I could barely see across the train. I got used to it, but don't miss that aspect at all. As my 4 year old said, "This isn't called France. This is called cigarette world." Same for DE.

And in response to other letters:

I hate to perpetuate stereotypes, but yes, Germans can be... so... GERMAN sometimes! Precise to the point of insanity, from an '80% is good enough' American perspective.