Letters to the Editor
Rambling Rose 22
Published Letters: 757 Editor's Choice: 6
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GOOD LUCK
[Read the article: My boyfriend's a secret crackhead!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It sounds like you have sized up the situation in a very pragmatic way; i.e., understand your options, consequences, benefits of your relationship, etc.
I don't share your optimism. I think that like most drug addicts, recovering and otherwise, this guy will suck the oxygen from the room you are in everyday of the week, and twice on Sunday! You'll spend years waiting for what may, or may not, be there. And because you didn't notice his addiction to begin with, you'll start second-guessing yourself which is NOT a good thing.
This man is in his 40's. Even if he cleans up tomorrow, are you sure you want to still be dealing with this mess in your 50's? Life can be difficult enough heading into your 50's and 60's without the possible relapse of a drug-addict partner. Are you prepared to project yourself into that future to get a feel for what you would do? And what about the time invested?
Most drug-addicts relapse. And I'm sure he is just elated all to hell and back that you are so willing to be there for him, be patient, and all that. It's admirable. But how much satisfaction is there in a relationship where you keep waiting for the "relapse?"
But here's my take: The guy is not going to be the reliable or dependable person that you want while he cleans up or doesn't. You have been given no choice now in the relationship as to whether or not you want to play patient nurse-maid to his sickness while he cleans up, relapses, and cleans up again. What happens if something happens to YOU? Will he be there? Can he be there?
It -the addiction - will consume what the two of you do, where you go, who you see, and a host of other decisions, thereby narrowing yet again the options that you otherwise would have in a normal relationship.
And here's the biggest one of all: He lied. He lied about who he was, and what he was all about. He kept a significant fact about himself hidden. He treated you with disrespect and is now only disclosing because he probably thinks it was going to come out anyway through a lost job or some other crisis. His "relief" is your pain - and that's always the case with a drug addict.
Be his friend, but tell him in no certain terms, that the intimate relationship is over now. That maybe, just maybe, you will consider a serious relationship with him down the road again, but that you need and want to be free to live your own life while he recovers - or don't. Withdraw all commitments other than the one to be his friend - which doesn't mean that you live your life around him.
It's not enough to sit on the beach and see if the dog comes back only to cock his leg and pee all over you. You don't have that kind of time, do you? Value yourself over the relationship, and certainly close the door to that third item that's about to intrude itself, "The Addiction", into your life.
Tell him how hurtful it has been to you, that you hope everything turns out okay for him, but like any smart person you will now have to establish boundaries. Keep living your life and don't sit on the beach waiting for a dog that may or may not come back. Besides, once he cleans up, he may have other plans for himself.
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GOT NEWS FOR YOU, GIRLFRIEND
[Read the article: My boyfriend danced dirty to make me jealous ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]1. You are right: you over analyze. Human behavior, especially male behavior, is just not that complex.
2. Why did it take a week for this thought, "why is shehe dancing with him/her like that..." to come into your head? You said you saw it happen, didn't think anything about it at the time. Well, WHY NOT?
3. Why are you living with the father of your children? If the relationship is good enough to be living with the guy, then you should be remarried and doing right by these kids and your future together as a family.
Since your divorce, is he paying child support like he is supposed to, whether or not you are living together or he's living someplace else? NO? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
He - and you - cannot have it both ways. Grow up and start thinking about your kids and your family.
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BUSH, SMUSH
[Read the article: Pakistan turns scary for Bush's war on terror]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The guy has been on the wrong side of just about EVERYTHING for his entire life! JUST GET HIM OUT WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF CONTINUED DAMAGE!
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what is this?
[Read the article: The K Chronicles]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]cannot figure out if this is humor, irony, sarcasm - all three - or absolutely nothing. think it's closer to absolutely nothing.
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OH PLEASE...
[Read the article: I Like to Watch]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]please don't sell us on yet another crusader on a mission. Can we just be kind to each other, in private, and let that be enough? Why do we always have to cheapen every act out here by exploiting it through TV?
And if I want to hear ear-splitting shrieks and screams, I'll go to the next Justin Timberlake concert, thank you.
what makes you or anyone else think that Oprah's big dig is anymore self-righteous and worthy of sitting and sobbing through, than say, Big Brother?
Please, all-the-way-to-the-bank Oprah is giving me a headache -and so are people like you.
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SOUNDS LIKE WHAT THEY SAID....
[Read the article: A few debate thoughts]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]ABOUT GEORGE W. BUSH IN 2000 DEBATES WITH AL GORE TOO! NOW, WHAT DOES THAT TELL US?