Letters to the Editor
SerendipityToo
Published Letters: 11 Editor's Choice: 1
-
Perfect!
[Read the article: How can I comfort my boyfriend about losing his hair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Oh, Anonymous, what a perfect response! I laughed my ass off. Too bad you went with anonymous; i want to read your other letters.
-
and this too
[Read the article: I left an abuser, but now I'm with a married man]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In addition to finding a support group and/or an individual therapist, please also consider taking a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class. This will help you learn to know yourself, to question your thoughts, to be gentle with your mind and your heart and your body.
-
Maybe the label is the problem
[Read the article: Dear Sir, I write today to say that I cannot write]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What if we didn't worry about the question, "Am I a writer?" Everyone here is a writer, also a breather, a walker, a sitter, an eater... Sometimes i write, sometimes i don't. Sometimes i dance, sometimes not... so am i a dancer? a swimmer? how is these labels useful?
-
oops
[Read the article: Dear Sir, I write today to say that I cannot write]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]That's "how is this useful"? or "how are these labels useful?"
-
Try this
[Read the article: I'm so damned judgmental!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]1. Show up (i.e. with your heart, your willingness, your love, your friendship)
2. Pay attention (to what your friend is telling you, to what your heart is telling you)
3. Tell the truth (that's YOUR truth, e.g. "I feel uncomfortable about this" - not "THE" truth, since we none of us know that)
4. Don't be attached to outcome (that is, don't think that by telling your truth, your friend will change)
-
What if you didn't have the thought that he should be different?
[Read the article: Can I ever reconcile with my father?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My father was not as bad as LW's; however i spent all of my adult life angry/disappointed that he was not the father/grandfather i thought he should be, for me and for my children. What helped me let go of that was Byron Katie's book: Loving What Is. I read that book, wrote out every exercise, and came to realize that my father was who he was, because that's who he was - he wasn't that way AT ME, he just was who he was. And what was causing my suffering was my belief that he should be different. As soon as i let go of that belief, i was able to forgive him. I highly recommend this book.
Also: another pearl from Anne Lammott: Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a different past.
-
"Let go of the past; live in the present"
[Read the article: My sister triggers my rage]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Lots of LW with that good advice, but: easier said than done.
Two things I have found extremely helpful in service of that goal:
1)Mindfulness meditation
2)Read - and do the exercises in - Loving What Is, by Byron Katie
-
Can't let that go by...
[Read the article: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her -- but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Damnthatxanadu said, "I haven't seen a couple with problems going on that there isn't some form of physical constraint, slapping, throwing things at the other person, etc. during a fight. Never. Or that this didn't happen at some point during the relationship." I'm here to tell you that i have never had ANY physical constraint, slapping, etc in any relationship. I've been married 25 years, and believe me there have been plenty of problems; before that i was in several long-term relationships. Never any physical fighting. Damnthatxanadu is a therapist specializing in PTSD; let's remember that that's not a representative sample of all couples. LACK of violence is normal!
-
Deserve to be slapped like a little girl???
[Read the article: I'm a suburban husband in my 40s and I think I'm getting depressed]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I also loved the preface, and much of the response to the letter.
Still , i feel compelled to say, "deserve to be slapped like a little girl?" What the hell? It's one thing for the LW to say that, but: Cary? Hon? Are you sure that's what you want to say?
-
Cary: brilliant answer!
[Read the article: Should I get my breasts enlarged?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I hope she listens. Everyone else, too.