Letters to the Editor
phunkjnky
Published Letters: 64 Editor's Choice: 1
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@Juliebird
[Read the article: Welcome to the "menaissance"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Rare is the case that is worth truly fighting for domestically that doesn't involve saving the relationship or involve kids. Once the female is upset, for slights real or imaginary, harmony cannot be achieved until she feels better. This usually involves apologizing (whether right or wrong) and waiting out the storm. I know there are exceptions to this, and you may be one of them, but this is the majority of what I have seen or experienced. How many times do you want to argue about how the garage looks, or whether or not the house needs painting.
I love my mother to death, but there were things that she did that drove my dad and I nuts. She grew roses in whiskey barrels that had been cut in half. These things weighed a ton. In spring they had to be dragged to the back patio, in fall to the front patio. It was never a big deal to her because she wasn't doing it. After a while you just shut up and do it. It was the same thing with pulling up the patio every spring block by block to pull the grass and occasional weed up. Some fights just aren't worth having.
As far as being more involved in decisions regarding decor, most of us don't bother because we've learned that our taste in usually inferior and she is going to decorate how she wants to anyway. Why argue? A couch is a couch at the end of the day.
Look around your house at the furniture, the knick knacks, look at everything and ask yourself did I pick this out or did my husband?
I have been in an egalitarian relationship and it was wonderful. Unfortunately, our long term goals meant that we would have to part ways and it came to an end. SO I know first hand that not ALL women are like this, but most of them are, especially the abnormally large percentage of high maintenance and princess complex possessing women there are out there now. The old axiom, "Men get married (or get into a long term relationship) expecting the woman not to change, and women get married expecting the man to change" has a lot of truth to it.
We want you... We love you... we love a lot of things about the relationship, but most of us are under no pretenses about who rules at home. If I want to leave the mail on the dining table, and she wants it on the coffee table, where does it end up? I rest my case... What I want at home is often time secondary. Maybe that's why we cling to work and our after work routines... We have control there. We can be the kings of the castle there if we want, because when we get home it's another world.
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@ Lestat1
[Read the article: Welcome to the "menaissance"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My first reaction to the spine comment was tad aggressive, but you are right. Hence, I am single, and will probably remain so for some time. I have learned the hard way that some things can be compromised and some things can't. I learned what I really want in a woman in my last relationship, I refuse to settle for anything less. I demand personal accountability, intelligence, a real sense of humor (one that can take it and dish it out), and acceptance of my quirks. I don't want to be changed. I don't mind compromise at all, as long as it cuts both ways. I am speaking in generalities, so one person's personal experience counts for slightly more than squat.
Boundaries do need to be set early. The problem is that most of us don't try to set them until it is too late. If we try to early we are seen as standoffish, or just difficult. Rather than set the ground rules we put them off until power has already been ceded to the female. As anyone one knows, once power, people are loathe to give it up. It gives me hope to know that there are women like you out there, but please don't pretend that you are the norm. Women like you are rare gems.
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@AKA Smith
[Read the article: Welcome to the "menaissance"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I sincerely hope that you were being sarcastic about the whole team colors thing... Otherwise this is exactly what we are talking about... i can't even decorate my cave the way I want?!
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@Cataract
[Read the article: Welcome to the "menaissance"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]That's the point! I don't tell you how to decorate your office, and I sure as hell don't want you decorating mine! This is a real simple concept. Except that it doesn't end up that way a lot of the time, and hence why we seek our cave.
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Why get married?
[Read the article: Welcome to the "menaissance"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Not that any of these are great reasons, but...
1) Mom will stop asking when you are going to get married
2) All your friends are doing it
3) People start to look at you a little strangely if you've never been married. They start to figure that there must be a big personality flaw you're hiding.
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@AKASmith
[Read the article: Welcome to the "menaissance"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]No, I don't truly believe in everything I've posted here. However, I have felt almost all of those things at one time or another. I am single. I have been engaged, but it was called when I caught her cheating on me. I have been in enough good and bad relationships to know exactly what I want in a relationship, and what I have no time for. What most of my postings on this topic come from are observations... They may or may not apply to me personally. It's the ex-debater in me. I try not to be too personally involved in my arguments, it makes them less persuasive to a dispassionate audience. It also means I may occassionally argue things that I don't believe because I think that the discourse is more important than whether or not I am right. So, please keep that in mind when you think of me. If you ever want to know what I REALLY think of something, just ask.