I'm really surprised at the response of so many people here, apparently feeling that since these aren't "her" kids (as that she did not give birth to them) that she has absolutely no obligation towards them. Apparently a lot of people here seem to think that it's a perfectly acceptable idea that whenever they have days to spend with their father, that she should feel free to make herself scarce so that she isn't bothered by them. After all, they're not her kids and why should they disrupt her nice happy, quiet life just because she married their father?

I can just see it now - the kids show up at Daddy's house with their overnight bags and stepmom is burning rubber out the door. That's certainly going to make them feel welcome in their dad's house. I'm sure that having their stepmom, the woman that their father chose to marry show them so much distain that she cannot stand to be in their presence is going to go a long way in cementing their bonds with their father. After all, if Dad's wife is running out each time they show up, it's really going to make them want to spend time with Dad.

Sorry if it hurts the LW's feelings (since she stated that she didn't want to hear that she knew he had kids when she married him), and I'm going to be a good deal harsher than I was in my previous response. If she didn't want children and doesn't like children, then she had no business marrying a man with children. I find it impossible to imagine that a grown women would consider marrying a man without spending a good deal amount of time around his children first. That she wouldn't take time to get to know them, or have a little compassion for kids who've had their family security completely upended. Because like it or not, when you marry someone with children, you are an instant family. When the LW married this man, she became a stepmother - this is not an optional designation that she can bow out of because it doesn't fit in with how she wants to live her life. So she's decided that she doesn't love his kids? Boo fricking hoo. She doesn't have to be a serrogate mother - what she has an obligation to be is civil and compassionate to three kids who are being shuttled back and forth between Mom and Dad and making sure that they know that they will always be welcome in their father's home.

My brother remarried after his divorce, and his wife is nothing but utterly loving to his two children. In fact, if she hadn't been willing to treat his children as if they were her own, he never would have married her because his kids come first. Is it easy all the time, of course not. But his wife knew what she was getting into, accepted it and deals with it. She doesn't hide away sulking when it's his days to have them.

She doesn't have to be their mother, but it would be decent of her to consider being their friend. And if she finds their presence so disruptive and distateful, then she should certainly pack her bags and head out when they come over. But she shouldn't bother coming back.

Damn, am really disgusted with a lot of the comments here.