Haggismold, I agree that the judgemental thing has to stop. Women can be so catty and competative with one another. I have no arguement with any woman who wants to stay home with their children, at least for the first few years, but they should be damn well aware of the risk that their choices leave them to face.

1) Most families do not have any real savings, which means that if the primary wage earner losses their job, or is unable to work (is injured, sick or disabled), these families can get into very deep financial trouble very quickly.

2) When couples divorce, women nearly always end up financially worse off than their husbands. Women are also more likely to fall into poverty than men, especially if they have children to support.

3) When a woman takes several years off from work and then decides to go back, they cannot just pick up where they left off. Even women with college degrees (and graduate degrees) will often find that their skills and education have not kept up with the times and they must compete for jobs with women who are fresh out of school and women who have not left the work force. These women will nearly always end up making significantly less per year than they would have had they remained working, even part time.

4) No one ever enters a marriage and starting a family with the intention of divorcing, but it does happen with painful frequency. And no one plans for their husband to be sick, injured or killed that day. It happens. Life is unpredictable and unless a woman is prepared to step up to the plate, they are often unprepared to have to support themselves and their children.

5) Like many things, this is a debate amoung women who actually can afford to make this choice. Most women I know financially cannot afford to stop working, even for a year or two. And it's not to buy expensive toys or to take fantastic vacations, but to pay for necessities like groceries and their kid's braces. A woman with an education and a job skill that can command more than minimum wage will be able to pay for child care without devouring all of her income. Economically many families cannot survive without two incomes, and this is to pay for rent and mortgages, not just to buy the big plasma tv.

I am a single woman, so I am very accustomed to taking care of myself. My job has allowed me to pay my bills, buy a house and plan for the day when I want to retire. I feel a certain satisfaction in having built a good, if not glamerous career that lets me have a certain amount of security. Even if I were to marry tomorrow, I would not stop working. I don't consider working outside the home soul-destroying or demeaning. I'm a liberal, but I don't think that working long hours or for a salery that hinges on my being able to do my job is so horrible. I'm not focused on moving up the corporate ladder and the primary reasons I enjoy my job is because I can use it to help people (I'm in the healthcare field) and because it allows me time for a life outside of work. I find my happiness and passion in my activies like horseback riding and dance classes that by working, I can afford to do.

This arguement between women is about choices, but it's also about making informed choices. Staying home is fine, but understand that it's not going to be without sacrifice (in future financial earnings) or risk (if the marriage ends or unexpected loss of income by the primary breadwinner). Women need to stop complaining about how unfair this all is and just suck up to the fact that life doesn't always grant you great choices. You don't always get to do what makes you happy and fulfilled every single second of the day of your life. There are days when you wake up and wish that you didn't have to face going to work (and I don't know ANYBODY who doesn't go through that no matter how much they love their jobs). But somehow when all my bills are paid for the month, I have a full fridge and can think about planning for a vacation, it all seems to balance out.