With the obvious, I guess: get a PI, gather info, and as soon as your daughter is old enough (maybe she is already, I doubt she's learning anything positive about relationships now) DIVORCE YOUR LYING WIFE. IF you have a good PI and a good divorce lawyer lined up, you should be OK. Watch your back, though, she might go so far as to have you killed if she can't take you to the cleaners. Oh, and just because she didn't bring any STD's home doesn't mean you should believe this 'emotional' affair crap.

2. To second what others have said: make sure there are no witnesses present, then see what you can do to make "John" wet himself. If lying wife asks you anything, suggest that "John" has you confused with some other jealous husband. It won't fix anything, of course, but there's something to be said for standing your ground. Just don't stick around long enough to have to scare off the next "John".

3. Your so-called marriage counselor is an idiot. After the divorce, would it be possible to sue him for malpractice?

4. What the hell is wrong with you? Get a good therapist to KICK YOUR ASS. Not to be unkind, but WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS? BE A MAN! WTF? To be kinder, you're stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship and you got yourself stuck there for a reason. I don't think you LOVE your wife so much as you're addicted to her. You gotta be brave and kick this habit. You'll be lonely, depressed, a mess, all that for a while until it dawns on you that you have your life back. If you don't get some good painful therapy, you'll probably just find another woman who'll walk all over you.

5. The person who pegged her as a narcissist is probably right. Maybe a little histrionic, maybe a little borderline, who can tell. It seems as if 90% of the problems written about in this column are caused by people with those cluster B personality disorders. Someone who is a deceptive, manipulative, aggressive liar does not necessarily have such a personality disorder, just 98% of the time. The webbed feet and quacking sound give it away. WHY are you with this woman, again? What the heck is your family like, anyway? Look into that...I quit being involved with such people at just about the time I truly realized how very dysfunctional my own family was. Anyway, do some research into cluster B personality disorders and see if it doesn't set some bells ringing.

6. Anonymous @11:51 (This is not love) gives good advice that someone like your wife WILL NEVER GO ALONG WITH. Even if she did, you would end up being the one maintaining and enforcing the psychic and personal boundaries for both of you, which sounds like a suck-the-life-out-of-you experience to me. But, if after all these years you want to enforce boundaries that she should have been observing all along, I suppose you could try; it might work.

7. Cary: total gutterball here. In the next bowler's lane. Apologize profusely, and then give whatever you got paid for this column to charity.

if you can. I loved my grandma; she died when I was about 6 and I never got to see her go. She just disappeared - first to the hospital, where I wasn't taken to visit her because of some stupid reasoning based on the fact that I was just a child; then she died and I didn't get to go to the funeral because of the same stupid reasoning.

Go see her, even if you thought she'd be dead by now, and if she survives again go see her again! If not, you're already there for the funeral. Bring some books, hide from everyone as necessary, whatever. You're lucky to have a proper chance to say goodbye.

Try not to be such a selfish, petulant brat about it all. Unless you're trying to avoid your childhood sexual abuser or something like that, the dysfunctional family excuse isn't quite good enough. Take my word for it; I have a fully dysfunctional family myself.

But of course: it's INCREDIBLY good for you - loaded with one of the most powerful antioxidants generally available in the diet, full of electrolytes, delicious... and it's indigenous to southern Africa.

It always seemed to me that any discussion of whether black people liked watermelon could be shut down immediately by the facts. Discussing whether or not fat people are exercizing enough, or exercizing enough personal responsibilty may not be fair, but it's not quite the same discussion and the facts really aren't clear.

It may well come out that much or most of the obesity epidemic is environmentally induced, and that no amount of willpower can resist the ubiquity of endocrine disruptors, corn syrup, and cars. Why a particular person is fat is as easy to determine as whether a particular hurricane was caused by global warming.

Maybe it's just me, but the original photo of Faith Hill is not drop-dead gorgeous. She looks like she's snarling, not smiling. And has no lower teeth. And as for the over-the-top photoshop job, what do you expect for a cheesy magazine cover? It's a bad photo to begin with. The Jezebel animation sort of reminds me of when Troy McClure cracks a smile on the Simpsons.

Most Republicans, if not most politicians, actually use botox subcranially.

It helps get rid of those unsightly wrinkles on the brain.

"My friend whose family lives in Mississippi said he thought Bush's reign was going to cut into the Republican brand loyalty on the Gulf Coast. I suppose we'll see about that. But you have to wonder: If the Katrina response didn't do it, what would?"

I figure that if you're as dumb as a bag of hammers to begin with, taking away the bag and the hammers won't make you any smarter.